Actually, it is right now.
- Really? - Uh, so, yes. Uh, it's-- Can't you tell?
It's springtime, so take out your, uh...
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
...your leaves, your branches, all those kinds of yard clippings,
bushes, sorts of things...
And good morning, everyone.
This is Jan Mussen. Welcome to The Gardening Hour here on WHTZ.
For the next hour, we'll be talking gardens,
and flowers and trees
-and grass and everything... - Uh, the tulips are out,
-and some of the other early blooms. - Yep.
And, uh, let's, uh, talk about
that Tulip Time traffic,
how to stay safe,
'cause I know it's gonna be frustrating with some visitors from out of town.
You know, we love having our Tulip Time visitors, but...
be patient and maybe help them out, you know,
- as far as giving directions. - We'll be glad to give it a,
to give it a try to answer 'em.
I do want to remind people one more time,
um, the MSU Horticultural Gardens program...
Every day, I get to wake up
in the best place on Earth.
Holland, Michigan.
It's just perfect.
The people, the tulips.
Oh.
And the windmill.
I look around myself and it feels like a dream.
Before I came here, I was...
afraid, and I was confused, and...
I just couldn't trust anyone.
Even myself.
And then I found Fred.
And he brought me here to Holland.
And now we have Harry, and, well...
we're safe.
Safe and happy.
Sometimes I still wonder...
is it even real?
No. Come on.
Okay.
Uh...
Where are you?
Gosh darn it, where is it?
Candy.
Is there something you want to tell me?
Uh...
Um...
Like... what?
Um...
Shit. I...
- Sugar. I-- I'm sorry, Mrs. V. - Candy.
I don't know why I did it. I'm so stupid.
- I... - Well, stupid is one thing.
- This is... - Sorry.
- This is theft. - I...
I think maybe I have a food addiction.
I read in Cosmo people have that. You know?
And once the image of food is there, in my head,
it won't go away.
And I know the bacon was for Harry,
- but I couldn't help myself, and I... - Bacon? Uh...
I...
Are you not talking about the bacon?
- Maybe I oughta be. - I want to pay you back.
- I have two dollars in my purse, and I... - No, that's not what I want.
That's not what I want, Candy.
We're talking about something else.
Something else.
Uh, someth...
Maybe you should take a few days off,
and come back to me when you are willing to tell me the truth.
- Okay. - Okay.
I'm gonna think about it, okay?
- Thank you. - All right.
- Bye, Harry. - Bye.
See you-- I'll see you later.
Are you okay? I'm sorry.
- I'm thinking about it. - Thanks, Candy.
- Oh, Harry. - Mom?
She's done something very, very bad.
This is fucking bullshit.
Harry S. Vandergroot, did Candy teach you that kind of talk?
Well, just because she eats food like everybody else.
I could bean you for that, young man.
Fine. Go ahead.
- Bean me. - What?
It's not like it matters anyways.
Can't get much worse.
This is out of control.
Oh, and it's just so unfair.
I'm sure there's more to the story than that.
No, there isn't!
This is exactly what Mom always does.
- She just ruins our whole life... - Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- ...over one tiny, stupid thing. - Take a deep breath.
And don't say anything you'll regret later,
and we'll talk when I get home. Okay, buddy? Man-to-man.
Yeah, okay.
I'm just so cheesed off.
I know. All right.
- Okay. - Bye. Bye.
Oh...
I'm sorry about that.
My son's 13 years old. Everything's an emergency.
Okay.
Let's see what we got going on here.
Hey.
- Hey. - Hey, Nance.
Big drama today, huh?
Oh! You have no idea.
- Oh. - Looking good. Mwah.
- Really? - Smelling good.
- What you got? - Meat loaf.
And fennel and pomegranate salad, something new.
Fennel and... fen-fen-fennel and what?
Get excited.
I'm sure it'll be great.
- Yeah. - Uh...
We got an hour or so?
Uh, yeah.
Kiddo! All aboard!
Coming.
Har, let's go.
There's lots to talk about.
- Dad, wait up. - Town's not gonna build itself.
It's like...
if you don't really feel like making your bed, what do you do?
Huh?
Uh... don't make it?
No.
You get your comforter, and you spread it out
over everything.
You skip a step and you just smooth it out.
Right? And just make it look nice.
Right? And that's what you need to do here.
This is how women are. It's...
Things seem huge one day,
and then, a couple days later,
it's like it never happened.
- So... - Mm.
It doesn't make any sense, I know.
Yeah.
You just never know, so...
keep the peace.
Okay?
- Uh, yeah. - You got that?
- I guess. - Good boy.
Amen.
I still can't get over it.
In our own home, here,
in Holland.
This isn't Allegan, it's-it's Holland.
Are you listening to me?
Mm.
Yeah, I just think you're getting a little...
overly worked up, is all.
It's some bacon.
We didn't even miss it.
It's not just about the bacon.
It's theft.
Did you check your junk drawer?
And your closet floor?
Well...
No, because...
I-I know, uh...
Here, give it to me.
Anyway...
This is really, really, really super tonight, Nance.
It really is. Isn't it, Har?
- Mm-hmm. - Really?
Mm. Did you do something different?
Uh...
brown mustard instead of yellow.
I felt like doing something a little crazy.
So I got some bad news, Nance.
I got to go to Frankenmuth this week.
Another Alcon junket. Just the one night, though.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
New contact lens.
I'm skeptical.
Mom?
Yeah, Har?
I'm sorry I swore earlier.
I didn't mean it.
Thanks, Har.
But you know, you can't talk like that.
It's a slippery slope.
That's right.
Uh-huh.
- Hi, Mrs. Vandergroot. - Good morning.
See you later, Mr. D.
See you tomorrow, Steve.
Okay.
We got a lot to cover today.
We're gonna be making Dutch babies.
Honest to gosh, you think you know someone,
- Yeah? - then you don't. It's...
What-what's Fred say about all this?
Nothing. As usual.
Doesn't take me seriously.
Thinks I'm making it up just so I can play detective.
Ah, I love good mysteries.
But do you really think
she'd just take one earring?
I mean, wh-why not both?
I know.
I thought about that, but...
Who's that?
Oh. Squiggs Graumann.
He's a bus driver?
School let him go because someone said he smelled like booze.
Stop.
Yeah, that's what I heard.
I-I don't know if it's true.
- Wow. - I got his son in shop.
He's a good kid.
What kind of name is "Squiggs," anyway?
So how long is Fred gone this time?
I actually have an appointment with him next week.
Oh. Um...
Are you gonna get glasses?
I hope not.
You'd look cute.
You would.
- In glasses, you... - Mm-hmm.
...you'd look like a professor.
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Miss V, can Harry have a sleepover at my house tonight?
I had a special evening planned for us
since your dad's away.
Movie, pizza.
- Just like old times. - Mom...
First you take away Candy,
now you want to take away all my friends?
I'm not trying to take away your friends. And the--
Uh... Come on. The Candy thing was just...
Okay.
- Really? - Yeah, fine.
- Thank you. - Harry--
Have fun.
Okay.
Okay, I'm going.
Uh, the tulips are out, some of the other early blooms.
- Yep. - And, that, uh, fresh smell
of fertilizer is in the air.
...our biggest sale of 2000.
Today's episode of Ipso Facto:
Stories that could have been ripped from current headlines.
Serial murderers, people who commit...
- Oh, God. - Oh, God.
- Oh, my God! - Chris.
- Wait! - Wait!
Well, Mrs. Doubtfire-- he's a she. He's a she...
He's a he!
I'm not who you think I am.
Yeah, no shit.
Watch your mouth, young man.
Dad?
Yeah.
Hi. Um,
can you put me through to Fred Vandergroot's room, please?
Okay. Please hold.
Mmm.
Enough.
- Ma'am? I'm sorry. - Oh.
No one seems to be picking up.
- Okay. - Would you like to leave a message?
No, no. No, no. That's fine.
- Fine. - Okay.
- Have a good night. - Thank you.
Stupid earring.
What-what are you doing, Fred?
Back you go.
♪ I used to be a lunatic ♪
♪ From the gracious days ♪
♪ I used to be woebegone ♪
♪ And so restless nights...
Oh, come on, Fred.
I keep telling you to clean out your pockets.
♪ My aching heart would bleed...
Oh, great.
Hey, hon, we're back.
Fred, did you pay this parking ti--
"Madison."
What's that, honey?
Nothing.
I called your room last night.
Oh, yeah?
Well, darn. I must've been in the shower.
Hey, but I brought Frankenmuth.
Extra livers.
- And this guy. - Hmm.
Cute, huh?
What?
Nothing.
No?
Here. Come on.
Just a second.
I need to talk to you.
I think Fred's having an affair.
He's never been to Madison,
not that he ever told me.
I mean, he told me that the conference was in Fort Wayne
that day.
Okay, all right.
Plus, if he paid for the ticket, how did he pay for it?
Because I checked the bank accounts and the credit cards.
Check out the tulip...
Every year we get...
Nothing.
I found Polaroid film.
We don't even own a Polaroid camera.
So what does that tell you?
Um, I don't know, probably for his trains?
No. So he can take kinky sex photos with his lover
and no one will see them.
That's why.
Anyway, don't you think he goes to a lot of conferences for an optometrist?
So, you think he wasn't actually in Frankenmuth?
He was.
He bought chicken.
Oh?
But...
...it takes to build something like this.
I don't know, honey, don't touch that, please.
So...
a woman travels the whole Midwest just to have sex with Fred Vandergroot?
Maybe he has a bunch of different ones.
Hmm, impressive.
You know, I looked at him in his undies
last night and I was like...
- I just... - Hmm.
I mean, he must be pretty wild on the road because, you know...
Mm-hmm.
Well, he must have done something right.
Right?
After all, he got you.
Oh.
That's nice.
A lot's changed since then.
I mean, I was...
I wasn't in a good place when we met.
Fred, he kind of rescued me.
Oh, I'm-I'm sorry, I didn't know about that.
No, I mean, it wasn't anything serious.
It was just small town, trapped, going nowhere, right?
Yeah, yeah.
And when you grow up on the outside of everything
and then this guy comes along and he offers you a way in,
it's like, of course you're gonna take it.
Mm-hmm.
And it was good for me, the box.
I needed it, held me together.
Anyway, what was I talking about?
Oh, that's right, yeah.
Polaroids.
So, I got another call from Alcon today,
and they want me to come back out there next week.
Back to Frankenmuth?
No, Greenville this time.
Advanced training.
Yeah, should be kind of fun, just a three-dayer.
- Hmm. - Little vacation getaway.
Well, Nance...
Must be nice.
Get up, leave it all behind.
Hey, hon?
Hey, uh...
I know this Greenville thing is worrying you,
and, uh, if it is, I-I'll tell 'em no more two-parters, you know?
I know that me being away puts a strain on you, and...
Oh, so now the problem is me?
What problem?
Huh?
Oh, come on, tell me, what problem?
Did I do something wrong?
Maybe I'm a dummy, but I thought we were doing pretty good here.
Sometimes it's like... you know, you should leave a scab alone,
and picking it, you're only gonna hurt yourself,
and yet you even know that, but you keep wanting to do it.
Then you do it anyway, and you're not supposed to, and you...
Right, sure,
but maybe we can agree to leave it alone to heal
and then we can have a fresh start.
Right?
Yeah, just got to press the reset button.
Boop.
Hey, you want pop and milk?
Gonna make pop and milk.
- Pop and milk? - Yeah.
Harry! Gonna make pop and milk.
Come on down.
It's so unhealthy.
I'll be right there.
Psst.
Hey, enough.
Get out of here.
Mom?
- Mom. - Harry.
Fred.
Harry?
Harry.
Harry, wait.
Harry, come here.
Stop, Harry.
Honey.
Harry!
Somebody...
Won't somebody help?
Help, help me.
Okay, glasses on hooks.
Put a sheath on that saw, Mitchell, thank you.
Hey. Huh?
This edge is sick, man.
You can use the diamond rasp.
I can show you after school.
Um...
Are you okay?
Everything okay at home?
Can you move any slower?
Wasting my fucking time.
You really think he's hitting his kid?
Gosh, I-I really hope not.
It's the first time that I've ever called Child Services.
Well, you did the right thing.
Sometimes in life, you know, you just got to follow the clues.
Wherever they take you.
What's this?
Look at that.
Same address.
Fred's office, you and me.
We're gonna break in.
No way.
No, forget it, Nancy.
Honey-glazed cruller.
Chocolate for the lady.
Nice.
Thank you.
Nancy, no, this is crazy.
I mean, what do you think you're even gonna find in there?
- No. - I have a plan, okay?
So, we know that there's Polaroid film, but where are the Polaroids?
They're nowhere in the house.
I looked everywhere. Nothing.
Where are they? Fred's office.
That's where they are because he knows I would never look there.
Ipso facto.
What's gonna happen when we get caught?
We're not gonna get caught.
- We're gonna get caught. - Us?
- Yeah. - Come on.
You have an eye exam coming up?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
- Yeah. - So, during the exam you go to the bathroom.
In the bathroom there is a window at the back.
You'll, you'll do something to rig it so that when they lock it,
oh, they think it's locked, but it's not.
- It's just closed. - Yeah.
Because you know how to do that.
I mean, you can do that.
Right?
What type of window?
This is the best part
'cause you get to make up a story about someone you never met before
and direct their whole life.
Go ahead.
Chicago up one to nothing...
It's like directing your own film but better
'cause you get to control everything.
Yoo-hoo.
Hey.
Uh, I just talked to Gwen,
and she, um, she wants me to go to Zingerman's on Friday.
A-squared?
Hope you talked her out of it.
It's three hours' drive with gas at $2.50,
and she just got her kid contacts.
Well, I couldn't.
I mean, she wants some special cheese or something.
So I said I'd go, and...
Will you two be good without me?
- Sure. - You do something fun
with Harry?
Sure.
This is fun, right?
- All right, you want to take this? - Okay.
All right, buddy, talk.
Talk!
He can't, Frank.
- Can't you see he's a mime? - Huh?
- Freeze! - Put your hands up.
What do you want me to do, Frank?
All right, boys, fill 'em full of lead.
He's getting away.
Harry, you watching?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Good.
Well, I found myself in a bit of a pickle.
Oh, let me guess.
You were fired from your job at the plant.
Fired is such an ugly word.
Look at him walking funny.
It's so good.
Are you scheming again, Nance?
Huh?
Silly goose.
Delgado, uh, comma, D?
Mr. Delgado.
Okay.
Let's get these peepers checked out.
All right.
And look right for me now.
So I see you've got MESSA coverage from, uh, Holland High School.
Yes, sir. Yeah, that's--
- That's right. - You must know my wife.
And straight back at me.
Nancy Vandergroot, Life Management.
No. No, 'cause I'm...
I'm... I'm new here, so I don't know many people.
Well, it's a pretty small place.
I'm sure you'll get to meet her soon enough.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
You're drifting backwards.
You nervous?
And the left.
Okay.
Well, we like to say that only God has perfect vision,
but you, sir, come pretty darn close.
Great.
Is there a bathroom I can use?
Uh, yeah, we're just gonna get these guys in here first,
dilate you out, and then we can check the retina.
Okay, head back.
And boop.
- And boop. There we go. - Oh.
Oh, one more.
Not so fast. Eager beaver.
Okay, head back. And one.
And two. There you go.
Bathroom's down the hall. When you're done, you can wait out front.
- Okay. Thank you. - Okay. Thank you.
- Thanks. - Thank you.
Wrong way.
Hi. I'm here for my appointment.
Oh, shit.
Shit.
Occupied.
What the heck you doing in there?
It's occupied. Come on.
What have you been doing in there?
- I'm sorry. - Nearly burst my bladder.
Mr. Delgado.
- Hey, wait, guy, hey. - You're not done yet.
- I'm-I'm fine. - You need a retina check.
- Uh-- I'm sorry. - Hey. Watch it.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Hey! What the hell's the matter with you, asshole?
- Hey! - Oh, shit.
Hey, h-hold on.
Wait. Hey. Hey, slow down, you. Hey, slow down. Wait!
- Hey. - What?
Hey, you left your jacket in the can.
Oh, they put those drops in your eyes?
- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah, man, I hate that sugar.
- Ah, yeah. - Hey, listen.
Just don't drive for half an hour, all right?
No, no. I won't.
- I don't want to have to arrest you. - Sure.
- All right. - Okay.
- Be safe. - Thank you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Jesus.
Oh! Nancy, don't...
Don't sneak up on me like that.
Isn't this wild?
It's wild. My heart is racing.
Listen, I'm out.
- What do you mean you're out? - I'm so out.
Because, um, I...
Yeah, I got a date tonight anyway, so...
- What? - So we got to call it off.
- Yeah. - You've got a date tonight?
Well, can't you cancel it?
Well...
There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Nancy.
Yeah, evidently. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, I thought this was...
Isn't this more interesting than some boring old date
that you don't even want to go on?
I mean, the things that I...
There was a cop at Fred's office and it really freaked me out.
Yeah. 'Cause I've had my adventures with the law.
Okay. Well...
We've all gotten speeding tickets, right?
It's okay.
All right, well, I understand. You, you...
Go on your... your silly date.
Do I know her?
It's not Mary the history teacher, is it?
No, there's no date, Nancy.
I just made that up.
- What? - 'Cause I-- Yeah, I didn't want you
to think less of me, so...
Dave, you don't have to worry about that.
You really don't. Ever.
No?
No.
Oh. Oh.
Whoa.
...so much on this piece-of-shit car!
Okay. Okay.
So, um, if you're really doing this,
then... then let's just...
Let's just do it. I'm in.
All right. I'm in.
I'll keep watch. Good luck.
Wait, so they're just like round cards?
Well, yeah. But you battle with them.
Uh-huh. And everyone gets a different one?
Yeah. And there's these foil cards that are ultra-rare
and they're worth like $500.
For a card?
- Yeah. - Well, if you get one of those,
you can pay for dinner, right?
I can probably buy the whole restaurant.
Okay. Just a sec, kiddo.
- Hi, Gwen. - Hiya, Fred.
Hi.
- Sorry to bother you so late. - Uh-huh.
Matt's contact lens won't come out.
So the contact is still in the eye?
- Yeah, on a Friday night. - No, no, that's okay.
Yeah, it's real red and swollen.
- Can you get to the office? - I'll be there in ten minutes
- if you want me to. - All right, see you there.
- Oh, you're a lifesaver, Fred. Thank you. - Okay.
Okay. Bad news, Har.
I'm gonna get those bitterballen to go.
Got to run to the office.
I don't know why this couldn't happen during normal business hours.
Mom, I already said I'm sorry.
Okay with the attitude, mister. Okay?
This is my Friday night, too.
Jan was supposed to come over, was gonna help her
with that quilt for her brother-in-law's baby.
Now I guess that baby will go without a quilt.
Yeah.
Fred. Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, my. Thank you. - Hey.
- Not at all. - You're a total doll for this.
No, no, no, no.
- Hey, Matt. How are you? - Say hi to Dr. Vandergroot, honey.
All right. Let's get you fixed up.
- I told him to change his contacts. - No, don't worry, it happens.
What is he doing?
- Oh, is this the back entrance? - Uh-huh.
Oh. Never been in that. That's exciting.
- Oops. Dropped the keys. - Oh, come on, Nancy. Come on.
"Lacey Anne for Bologna Queen."
"Bologna Queen"?
Come on.
There we go.
- Go right ahead. - Thank you.
Hey.
Hey, Fred's here. Get out.
- Fred is here? - Yeah. Get out.
- Now. - Now?
Now!
Uh, okay. Okay.
Oh, right in here?
- Right in there, yeah. - Come on, Matt.
He doesn't have all night.
- Oh, no, no, no. - Go.
- Right in here. - Oh.
Look at the lovely décor in here.
Look straight at me.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah.
Well, everything looks okay. The contact is--
That looks okay to you?
Sorry, Gwen. Give me one second.
Why couldn't you just stay with glasses, huh?
- Was it for a girl? - Mom, stop.
Hmm.
Oh, my God.
Give me your hand. Come on.
Yeah.
Wow.
Uh-huh.
So wear your glasses, take the drops, and everything will be okay.
- All right? - Okay.
I hope you didn't come back early for this.
I know that Nancy was really looking forward to your trip.
Zingerman's with Nancy?
With gas at $2.50 a gallon?
No, thank you.
Huh.
Okay. I guess we got our wires crossed there then.
- Yeah, you think so? - Yeah.
Zingerman's. Gosh.
Have to tell Jim that one. That's a good one. Let's go.
Thank you. Say thank you.
- You're welcome. You're welcome. - Thank you, Dr. Vandergroot.
Okay. Bye, Fred. Say goodbye.
- Thank you. - Okay.
- Bye now. - Bye.
Wow.
Here. I got it.
S-Sure. S-Sure.
- Shall we take a moment... - What?
- and think about-- - Shh! Shut up.
Shut up.
Oh! Oh!
Oh, motherfuckers.
Okay. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
- What? What is-- - Hold on, hold on.
Where are you going?
Be careful!
- You think we want you here? - Squiggs Graumann.
- You think I don't know that's you? - You...
You don't know what you're talking about, you faggot!
I know one thing.
I'm gonna kick your ass!
Fuck you!
Do something and get him!
Better watch out, you two-faced beaner shit!
Shawn, you're so suspended, man.
- Throw harder! - Fuck you, Delgado!
Go back to Mexico and keep your hands off our women!
Well, that's so nice, Shawn! Thank you!
Did you teach him that when you were beating him up?
Ah! Holland doesn't like beaners.
Oh, fuck!
Ah!
Oh, that was so...
You were...
- you were so manly. - No, we shouldn't do this,
Nancy, no.
No, stop.
You're gonna let him, that racist piece of garbage,
tell you what to do?
I'm gonna let my conscience tell me what to do.
- Yes! - Like I should've in the first place.
No.
You're married.
- Oh, uh... - You got your evidence now, right?
Your photos or whatever?
Okay. So just leave him.
Or don't.
I want to be with you, Nancy, but... but not like this. No.
I can't.
- I can't, you know I-- - You can.
You can, you just don't want to.
I can't.
For Harry. He'll never forgive me.
- He wouldn't-- - It's not for Harry, it's for you.
It's for you, it's for your nice house,
your-your nice car, your...
your front pew at the church.
Your pancake dinners.
You want all that,
and you want this little excitement on the side.
This brown boy that you can play with.
But you can't have it all, Nancy.
No! And it's costing you nothing.
I mean, it's-it's me!
- What about my self-respect? - Right. I...
If you want this,
like, just... just commit.
Okay? Just...
I don't know, just le...
Otherwise...
I'm sorry.
Okay.
All right, let's just...
We'll just see each other at school, okay?
Mom, wake up.
Wake up.
- Hey. - Mm.
Sleepyhead.
Just gonna do some work in the garage.
Mm.
Yeah.
Whew. Where's Harry?
Harry already got a head start.
He's out back.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
- Okay. - Hey.
- Mm-hmm? - How was, uh,
Zingerman's?
- Fine. - Mm.
Yeah, I got Harry some truffles, but...
- Oh. - ...Gwen ate them on the drive.
I'm so tired.
I'm seeing two cash advances from ATMs,
and one charge of
- $300.70 at... - Three hundred?
...the Jansen's Jeweler, Grand Rapids.
Jansen's Jeweler.
Hmm.
Okay. And does it say anything about him buying jewelry for his mistress?
Mm... No.
No, I'm not seeing that on my screen, madam.
Okay. All good.
Thank you. Bye.
Thank--
No.
No...
Hmm.
Jansen's?
Oh...
It's got a good lock.
You know it's important to me, Nancy,
that you feel safe here.
In our house.
In our family.
I found that last night, in my office.
When, uh, Gwen brought her son by.
Hey, do you remember when, um,
when we were first married...
...and we fought over so many stupid little things?
And then we learned to let things go?
And that's when things got good.
We learned to trust each other.
Right?
So...
I'm not gonna ask.
Just gonna repair the bracelet.
Gonna get things back to the way they were.
Only if you think we can.
Yes.
- Yeah? - Yes, Fred.
I want to.
I really want to.
Mm.
I found it.
Oh...
Right. Where was it?
Mixed in with the buttons.
- Right. - I'm...
- Yeah. - I'm sorry, Fred.
I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna...
I just am gonna be better than I've been. I'm...
I'm gonna be the wife you deserve.
And I'm gonna appreciate what I have.
And I'm gonna have an attitude of gratitude.
Boop.
From the bottom of Jill and I's heart,
we-we are so thankful for you and Nancy's help.
- Really. No, you really help-- - No. No, no.
- No, it's our pleasure. No. - Harry.
- Thank you so very much. - Does anyone else want one?
We had-- we had, uh, we had lots more help, uh...
Can you take that one as well?
Uh... Oh.
Dad.
Enjoy.
- Dad. - Yeah.
- When are we gonna eat? - You hungry?
Please tell me Harry's gonna dance in Tulip Time this year.
Mm.
You'd look so handsome.
Didn't Pastor Bob say that dancing was the devil?
Not Dutch dancing, silly.
Just all the other kinds.
Your bitterballen.
Enjoy.
Thanks.
Hey.
Hey. I'm sorry.
- Dave, I... - I know.
I know this is a lot.
Um... I'm-I'm sorry.
I'll leave him, Dave.
- I will. - Nancy, uh...
- Don't think... - I will.
I...
- I-I don't, I don't know if... - My life is like...
it's like carbon monoxide.
It-it...
It's so sleepy and comfortable that...
I don't even know that I'm suffocating.
- God, I-- - Nancy.
You know this town.
If you leave him for me, then,
they'll destroy us.
But at least we'll be living our life,
not just existing.
I can't.
I just...
Dave?
Dave, are you there?
- Yes. Yes, I'm sorry. - Oh.
- Yeah. Yes, I'm here. - Okay.
Um...
- Nancy... - Yeah?
What if you lose Harry?
I'm not gonna lose Harry.
I'm his mother.
Yes. And Fred's his father.
Fred.
Mr. Church Deacon, pillar of the community Fred.
You'll be lucky to see Harry once a month.
But I, uh...
um, I think
there's one way that we can make this work.
How?
Fred's trip.
I'll follow him to Greenville.
- Bring a camera. - Uh-huh.
Like, uh, private eye style.
Get the proof that he's cheating.
Ooh. Well, that's...
that's a little risky, though.
Yeah, but what if I get pictures of him with some floozy?
Then we set the terms.
He'll have to go along with what we decide.
Well, I'm sure as heck not gonna let you do that alone.
♪ Whoo! Y'all gon' make me lose my mind ♪
♪ Up in here, up in here ♪
- ♪ Y'all gon' make me go all out ♪ - Say goodbye to you dad. Hey.
- What? - ♪ Up in here ♪
- ♪ Up in here... - Hey. Music man.
Okay.
Okay. Let's switch. Let's switch around.
♪ Up in here, uh ♪
♪ Y'all gon' make me lose my cool ♪
♪ Up in here, up in here ♪
♪ If I gots to bring it to you cowards, then it's gonna be quick...
- Bye, Dad, - Bye, buddy.
- Take care of Mom. - ♪ Suck my whoo ♪
♪ And all them other cats you run with ♪
♪ Get done with dumb quick ♪
♪ How the ... you gon'...
- Bye, honey. Bye, bye, bye. - Oh.
Mwah.
...any type of pop you want.
You just have a good day at school, okay?
Oh, hey, Nance.
Thanks, Pam, you're a lifesaver.
It's j-- it's just a little medical thing, so...
- Yeah. - Oh, hon, it's the least I can do.
- And the boys'll have fun. - Mm-hmm.
Hey, hey.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
- Great. Thank you. - Okay.
- Yeah. - All right. Bye.
Can't believe we're doing this.
Can you?
Mm.
I should have made us something else, but I couldn't...
- Mmm. - I just couldn't concentrate, you know?
- Yeah. - There he is!
Okay, what do we do?
Let's chill, let's chill. Let's just chill.
I don't know why I'm whispering.
All right.
- You ready? - Yeah.
- It's kind of exciting, actually. - Uh-huh.
- Quick. - Okay.
Put your seat belt on.
- Oh, I think he saw you now. - What?
No.
Okay.
There he is.
Get down. Get down.
He's coming out. Okay.
Fred, what are you up to?
We need to see what's in those bags.
Okay. I'm gonna get the room number.
- Uh huh. - Go, go.
I'll do the wife thing to get a key.
- Remember... - Uh-huh.
- ...you call me when the coast is clear. - Okay.
Yes.
He's downstairs.
Okay. Call me the moment he leaves.
Roger.
♪ I would do anything for love ♪
♪ But I won't do that ♪
♪ No, I won't do that ♪
♪ I would do anything for love ♪
♪ Anything you've been dreaming of...
You know, it was never...
Being an optometrist was never, like, my dream.
But, yeah, my parents, my...
They were like, you know...
"People need to chew.
People need to see. Pick one."
So...
Optometry is better than dentistry, though, right?
Oh, yeah.
And my wife, you know, when I met my wife,
she had this energy and...
Yeah, for a moment there, I thought, you know, we'd take off,
maybe, and, you know,
I'd blow up my old life and start over and,
you know?
Like, I don't know, go to Europe.
What?
So I take it you did not go to Europe.
I think, uh, she liked...
- Thanks. - ...my stability.
'Cause I'm the kind of guy you can depend on, so...
Which is kind of-kind of a cruel joke if you think about it, but...
What?
This is weird.
Well, good night.
Yep. Good luck with the missus.
Thank you.
♪ I would do anything...
- Hey. Hey. - Hey.
- Oh, hey. Hi. - Hey.
- Okay. - Hey.
Do I know you?
- Uh, yeah. - Oh, I do?
- Yeah. Sit down. Let's have a drink. - Okay.
- Come on. Sit down. - Oh, no, no, no, I got to--
- Sit down. It's on me. - No, I really got to hit the hay, man.
- Come on. Come on. - No, I'm--
Another appletini for my friend, please.
Have yourself a good one.
- But I got to-- - Oh, come on.
You're doing me a huge favor.
It gets really lonely here, you know?
Just sit-sit down.
You know, let's unleash the real you.
The real me, you know, tonight, right here.
♪ I would do anything for love...
Okay. I think... I think you got the wrong idea, buddy.
- I'm married. - Oh, no. I-I'm sorry.
- I didn't mean it that way. Oh, I'm sorry. - No, it's okay.
- I'm sorry if it came out that way. - Good night. Good night.
- No, I-I didn't mean it. - No, no, it's okay.
No, hey...
All right. Good night.
Okay, okay.
Hmm.
I was right.
Look at this. Handcuffs...
and underwear and...
Pup-Peronis?
Well, maybe he's into some kind of kink thing.
I don't know. I mean,
can-can you believe this?
Fred is like some...
- He's some weirdo. He... - Mm.
- Oh. - Hmm?
Oh, no. How embarrassing.
No, it's great.
- Mm. Wha...? - It's the first time we wake up together.
Were you sleeping?
No, not so much.
I got to pick up Harry. What time is it?
I'm late.
- I'm late. - We can't leave without proof.
- We have proof, right? - Yeah, but...
- We have it. - These are just pictures of...
of handcuffs and dog treats.
And... and we-we need real proof.
Listen, Nancy, I want to be with you.
And I want this to be clean.
I want this to be... to be good.
And for that, we need undeniable photographic evidence.
And I'm gonna get it.
Right.
Mm.
I'm gonna get it.
I'll be there before dinnertime. I'm so sorry.
Uh-huh.
Great.
You're a lifesaver.
Mm-hmm. Bye.
Huh. I knew it.
You screwed the Bologna Queen.
- Hello. - Can I speak
to Lacey Hartnett, please?
Is this a crank call?
No, no, no. Why? Why would it be?
I'm an old friend of hers, a-and, um,
and we just haven't talked in a while,
and I'd really like to-to connect with her again.
Oh, gosh. Lady, don't you read the papers?
Um, no, w-- not the Yale ones.
First of all, Lacey Hartnett,
she disappeared almost three years ago.
She disappeared?
- Yeah. I mean... - Wha...?
I only read about it in the papers.
They found...
They found the body.
I-I'm just sorry I'm the one breaking the news about your friend,
but, um, it seems Lacey was... murdered.
- Hello? - Okay.
Thank you. Bye.
"Fisher."
Zip codes.
Hey, hey!
Yeah, sorry I'm late.
Oh, glad you found the place.
A lot of traffic. A lot.
Hi, doggies. Hey, guys.
Got a little treat for you.
I got you.
Whoa.
Oh, my God.
Come on, Dave.
Come on, Dave, pick up, pick up.
Pick up, please.
Aah!
I... I'm sorry.
So, you do know my wife.
I'm sorry.
Why'd you d...
Oh.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Dave, tell me that, um,
it's all a mistake, right?
I can't...
Why aren't you answering?
Dave?
Dave, are you okay?
Nancy? Nancy, it's me.
Thank God. Get in.
Tell me that I'm wrong.
Tell me that he's not hurting people.
Tell me that Fred's not--
That he's not doing these--
- He's just having an affair, right? - Nancy.
- He's-he's just-- Tell me that I'm wrong. - I'm sorry.
- That he's not hurting-- - You're not wrong.
Okay.
Well, uh, you tell me that you fixed it.
Tell me that I'm safe and I can--
You're safe. Oh, yeah, you're... you're safe, Nancy.
- You're-you're... - What?
- you're definitely safe. - Okay.
Yes, because I fixed it.
- How did you fix it? - You're safe because he's not coming back.
- No. - How did you fix it?
Hmm?
- How? - Okay, so--
- How? - So, um...
I confronted him.
Oh.
I showed him the-the pictures and-and
the evidence and I told him that
if he didn't disappear, forever, I would reveal everything.
- You said that? - And he's gone, Nancy.
- What did he... - He's-he's gone.
He's gone.
- He's gone. - Oh.
Fred's gone.
Let's just get our bags, you know?
Let's just pack our bags and--
- the three of us-- let's just leave. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. - What?
I can't just disappear. I'm a known person.
I mean, I can't do that, Dave. It would be...
Mm-mmm. No, I have to stay
- through Tulip Time and everyth-- - What?!
If someone suspects something and this comes out, then...
then Harry's life is ruined. Our life is ruined.
- Nancy, no, I-I think you-- - Mm-mmm. We have to stay
- through Tulip Time, Dave. - I...
We have to. And I know it sounds silly, but...
Fred has been keeping this hidden for years, right?
So,
we just keep it hidden. That's what we do.
We don't let it slip.
Reset. Get through Tulip Time
and then, after that, we take a very long vacation together.
Just Tulip Time.
Tulip Time.
♪ Uh-huh, mm-hmm ♪
♪ Gonna get along without you now ♪
- ♪ Uh-huh ♪ - ♪ My honey ♪
- ♪ Mm-hmm ♪ - ♪ My honey ♪
♪ Gonna get along without you now ♪
♪ You told me I was the neatest thing ♪
♪ You even asked me to wear your ring ♪
♪ You ran around with every girl in town ♪
♪ You didn't even care if it got me down ♪
♪ Uh-huh, mm-hmm ♪
♪ Gonna get along without you now ♪
- ♪ Mm-hmm ♪ - ♪ My honey ♪
♪ Gonna get along without you now...
♪ My honey...
♪ You told everybody that we were friends ♪
♪ But this is where our friendship ends ♪
♪ 'Cause all of a sudden you changed your tune ♪
♪ You haven't been around since way last June ♪
♪ Uh-huh, mm-hmm ♪
♪ Gonna get along without you now ♪
♪ Got along without you before I met you ♪
♪ Gonna get along without you now ♪
♪ So long ♪
- ♪ My honey ♪ - ♪ So long ♪
- ♪ Goodbye, my dear ♪ - ♪ Goodbye ♪
♪ Gonna get along ♪
♪ Without you now ♪
What?
No. Oh, shit...
No!
There might be some delays at work.
He promised he'd come.
Well, we don't always get what we want, right?
Okay, Har.
Look at me.
And... smile.
One more.
Hello there. Hi!
Thank you.
Nancy! Nance.
Over here. Saved you a spot, sis.
Great.
- Hey, Jim. - Hey, Nancy.
So...
Harry must be happy his dad's back for the big show, huh?
Oh, actually, uh, Fred's still away
- on his trip, so... - Oh.
That's funny, I was sure I saw him. Jim.
Jim. You saw the doctor, right?
- Yeah. Yeah, I saw him. - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. - You saw him?
- Yeah, over... Yeah. - Mm-hmm. I think so.
Over there, somewhere.
No.
Hey, eyes forward.
What's going on with you?
♪ Have you seen my new shoes? ♪
♪ They are made out of wood ♪
♪ Such nice little shoes ♪
♪ Don't you think they look good? ♪
♪ We'll take a trip wherever we choose ♪
♪ We'll dance and skip ♪
♪ In our little wooden shoes...
♪ Tulips are blooming ♪
♪ In Holland, Michigan ♪
♪ Tulips bright-colored and gay ♪
♪ Dance on the scrubbed streets ♪
♪ Of Holland, Michigan ♪
♪ When tulips bloom in May...
Fucking cock licker!
Jesus Christ, mister!
- Goddamn language! - Sorry, Mom, I'm sorry.
- Give me a napkin. - I don't have one.
Well, look, you got drink
- all over your crotch, Matt. - ♪ When tulips bloom ♪
♪ In May ♪
Great job, Harry. He did so good.
Nance, where you going?
Just going to find Harry.
Hi.
Dave!
Dave. Where's Harry?
Where's Harr-- You have a gun?
- Fred's here, Nancy. - Where?
- Fred's here. Fred's here, he's-- - He's--
Where?
- He was here. - Harry.
- Harry! - We should leave, Nancy, come on.
- We have to go. - Let go of my arm or I'm gonna scream.
Let go. Harry?
Harry, come. Come!
- What's going on? - Nothing. We just...
Follow me. Follow me.
Mom, where are we going?
We're just going somewhere I can think.
I just need to think.
Mom, what's going on?
Mom?
D-Did I do something wrong?
No, you didn't do anything wrong.
You're perfect. I told you, Harry.
- Perfect. - That doesn't explain anything, though.
Where's Dad?
- Why are we here? - You...
- Why can't you just talk to me? - Harry, you just have to trust me.
Come here, Harry.
- Nancy! - Quick. Come here. Shh!
- Nancy, let me in. - What's happening?
It's just, I have to deal with something.
Now, you stay in here.
- Don't leave me. Don't leave me. - I'm not leaving you.
- It's gonna be fine. - Nancy.
Fine. I just-- whatever you do, do not leave this room.
- Okay? - Nancy!
- I love you. - Love you, too.
- Open the door. - Shh!
Nancy.
Let me in.
Fred's coming here.
He's coming here, and he's going to hurt you,
so please, just-- I really was trying to protect you, Nancy.
Nancy, I was trying to tell you.
Listen, Nancy, I...
I saw it happen.
That poor person, he was just...
he was just-- there was, there was blood everywhere.
He-- he tried to kill me.
I just defended myself.
I thought, I thought, I thought he died.
Nancy, please, just... please,
just open the door.
Why did you lie to me?
Can I explain?
You lied to me.
You're not gonna protect me.
He died, Nancy. I saw him.
He drowned. I-I saw him.
I-I saw him.
We have to come clean.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna call the police.
You can't.
- Yes. - No, you can't. No!
- Nancy, give me that. - Please, Dave.
- Give me the phone. - Dave, no.
You're gonna ruin Harry's life.
You'll ruin your life.
- Please. - Give me the phone, Nancy.
- No, I can't. - Just give me the phone.
- No. - Give it.
I can't--
Oh, no.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm okay.
Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay. - Yes?
- I'm okay. - I love you.
That's all that matters,
is that we're together.
- Of course. - Yes.
Yeah, it's just full of dogs, Nancy.
Huh?
So many dogs, Nancy. All over the carpet.
No. Where?
What? Dogs? There's no dogs.
It's all over the place.
Yeah.
- Oh, God. Oh, crap. - What?
I-I'm sorry.
Dave.
Oh, no.
- Oh, no. - I'm s--
Okay. I'm gonna go and get some help for you now.
- Okay. - Don't move.
- No. - All right?
- It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. - Yes. Yes.
- We're gonna work this out. - Yeah, it's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be okay, Nancy.
Harry?
- Harry! - It's gonna be okay.
Harry, baby!
Har!
Harry?
Har! Harry!
Harry.
Harry! Harry!
Har.
Harry.
So, take these,
and go wait in the car, okay?
Go ahead.
He's gonna meet us in the car.
You come down here and wash yourself off.
Come on.
I'm disappointed in you, Nancy.
You know how hard I worked
to keep you and Harry safe from all that?
All that mess.
Huh?
All these years.
Not one slip. Not one.
I never crossed the line.
But you did.
Wipe your fucking face off.
You look like shit.
You know, um, I think...
I think this could be really...
really good for us now, Nancy.
'Cause we're in it together, right?
Right? We can really start working as a team again.
Hmm?
And you know, you know it's-it's not...
it's not the real me that does that stuff.
The real me is here with you and Harry.
Just like it's the real you that's here now with me,
and not in that motel room, right?
- Oh, God. - Right?
Fred. Listen.
- Listen. Listen. - Your loving husband is gonna make it
like nothing ever happened.
Okay?
Aren't you lucky?
But first thing's first, we're gonna get in the car,
and we'll get ourselves home,
and we're just gonna press the reset button.
Right?
Reset.
Come on.
Okay.
Come on, come on.
- Mom, are-are you okay? - Hey, bud.
Hey, hey, hey.
You looked like a million bucks today.
I was so proud of you.
Are you okay, Mom?
- Is that blood? - Mom's fine.
Aren't you, Nance?
Okay, all aboard, Vandergroot Express.
♪ Buddy ♪
Let's get our Tulip Time on.
- Oh, Harry isn't buckled. - Huh?
He's not buckled.
- What do you mean, he's not buckled? - Harry.
- He's 13 years old. - Harry's not buckled.
- He doesn't need to be buckled. - Come on.
- Stop the car. Please. - Nancy, no.
Stop the car!
- Stop the car! - Nancy, stop!
- Hey! Harry! - Harry!
- Run, now! - Hey, Harry!
Harry, you get back here right away!
- Harry! - Harry, keep running!
Harry! Hey.
Nan, Nan, Nan.
Sweetie, that's not a toy.
No. No.
What are you gonna do, Nance?
Huh?
What do you think is gonna happen?
If I'm not here to take care of things, your life will fall apart.
I mean, Harry will become an orphan and probably get molested
- in some foster home. - Stop!
- Let's just... - Just stop.
...let's just go home and figure it out.
- Okay? - You're not gonna put me
in one of your fucking little houses.
You're not!
I have only ever shown you love, Nancy.
But you really do deserve this.
Mom?
Mom!
Harry!
Harry! Harry!
Dad, stop it!
Leave her alone!
Harry. It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay.
He's gone. He's gone.
You're okay.
Okay.
Dave?
I wanted to believe I lived in the best place on earth.
Holland, Michigan.
There were days it all felt like a dream.
The people...
...the tulips, the windmill.
It was perfect.
When I came here, I was afraid.
- I was afraid. - I was confused.
I just couldn't trust anyone.
Even myself.
And then, I met Dave.
I met Nancy.
He opened my eyes.
She really saw me.
Together, we felt safe.
Safe and happy.
I finally saw a way out.
But sometimes I wonder...
I wonder...
Was it even real?
♪ Every year in the month of May ♪
♪ People come from far away ♪
♪ To watch the big parades ♪
♪ In Holland, Michigan ♪
♪ There's tulips for miles around ♪
♪ In this lovely Dutch town ♪
♪ Let us show you around ♪
♪ Holland, Michigan ♪
♪ We've cleaned the streets with mop and broom ♪
♪ Come, the tulips are in bloom ♪
♪ Vacation or a honeymoon ♪
♪ In Holland, Michigan ♪
♪ They'll march down River Avenue ♪
♪ Dancing in their wooden shoes ♪
♪ Under skies of blue ♪
♪ In Holland, Michigan ♪
♪ There's Queen American to land ♪
♪ Soon we'll shake the governor's hand ♪
♪ And march with big brass bands ♪
♪ In Holland, Michigan ♪
♪ We've cleaned the streets with mop and broom ♪
♪ Come, the tulips are in bloom ♪
♪ Vacation or a honeymoon ♪
♪ In Holland, Michigan ♪