♪ John and me were gonna get together ♪
♪ And write a song one time ♪
♪ Got about as far as a midtown bar ♪
♪ And ordered up a bottle of wine ♪
♪ What could go wrong ♪
♪ Workin' on a song ♪
♪ But then we got to talkin' ♪
♪ Not lookin' at the time ♪
♪ Telling stories about folks we know ♪
♪ Had another bottle of wine ♪
♪ We were havin' fun ♪
♪ What could go wrong ♪
♪ Next thing we know, it's last call ♪
♪ And the waitress said, sorry dear ♪
♪ You don't have to go home ♪
♪ But you can't stay here ♪
♪ We were havin' fun ♪
♪ What could go wrong ♪
A little about me.
I'm supposed to start my freshman year
at Dartmouth next month.
I don't have a girlfriend, and I typically avoid conflict.
Go ahead, son, pull the trigger.
Look, I'm not trying to be an asshole,
but I think it'll all make more sense if I just start
from the beginning.
Family can be complicated.
If things are going good,
you pretty much don't even think about them.
Rocco, we have to go.
It's only when family is tested,
you can almost become a different person.
In a way, that's what started this whole terrible thing.
Hey. Da Nois...
It's a bloodbath.
Uh, sit down.
It wasn't money. It wasn't power.
- It wasn't... - Here, drink that.
...all that other crap you imagine when you think...
Catch your breath.
...bad guys with guns.
Swirl it around.
Take a big sip, and then spit it out.
All the death that visited my quiet little family...
I was kind of thinkin' the sink.
Okay.
...it was really about life.
They in your sights?
Alright, plant your feet.
You take it off safety, hmm?
You remember how to take it off safety?
Yes.
Right.
Now they're gonna be back for your mother's vegetables
in the spring.
I-- I can't.
Ah, it's okay.
No problem.
Um, Brittany called last night.
Oh, yeah? Did you talk to her?
Nah, I just let her go to voicemail.
I don't know what to do, Dad.
Hey, you want a beer?
Uh, yeah.
Don't tell your mother I'm gonna say this,
but that Brittany,
she's a real jerk.
Dad?
Dad what?
You treat her like a queen your whole senior year,
and a week before the prom, she dumped you
for a stinkin' soccer player.
I don't know. I think she just wants to talk.
Listen.
I know what it's like to be in your position.
What do you mean?
Uh, plenty of times in my life
I got involved with the wrong people.
You know why?
Because I thought I was kind of worthless.
You?
Can I tell you something?
Man to man?
Yeah, sure.
When I met your mother,
I didn't think I was good enough for her.
Really?
She was engaged to your father.
You know, he had a job, educated, good-looking guy,
mustache type.
- Wait, so you knew him? - Mm-hmm.
See, nobody tells me anything around here.
Yeah, but her happiness,
her self-esteem was based on a lie.
And this guy, he was sneakin' around on her.
He was cheating?
Yes, DJ, cheating.
The night he died in a car accident,
he had been with another woman.
You know, think about the humiliation
your mother went through on top of everything.
You know, it almost destroyed her.
Hmm.
I didn't know any of that.
Well, two things.
Don't ever tell your mother I told you that.
And don't ever settle.
You got it?
- Okay. - Good.
Say it.
Britney is a jerk, and I'm not gonna settle.
Oh, no.
- No, I'm not gonna say that. - Come on.
- No, I'm not gonna say that. - Come on, say it.
- I'd rather not. - Come on, say it.
Britney is a jerk, and I'm not gonna-- say that.
Dad, I'm not gonna say that.
Alright.
- Thanks, Dad. - Fair enough.
Oh.
You're goin' to college.
You can have a beer in front of your mother.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Okay.
You can have several.
I think I'll just stick to the one.
- Vincent? - Hey, babe.
Can you please pick up the woods chips from outside?
They're gonna blow into the house.
Yeah. Hello to you, too.
Okay.
We're talking about chicks.
Okay.
Well, girls.
And by girls do you mean Brittany?
Don't look at me.
Well, I've decided that I'm not gonna settle.
If she doesn't want me, that's her problem.
It's not mine.
Is that right?
Well, honey, why don't you come outside
and help me with the groceries, and we'll talk about it.
Okay.
You forgot your beer.
Jeez.
Dad?
Who is it?
- It's Rocco. - Rocco?
It's Rocco. Your brother from another mother.
Open the fucking door. It's cold as tits out here.
How you doin', you little bastard, huh?
God! Look at you.
You're like a fuckin' little grown man now.
Okay.
I-- I didn't know you were coming.
Oh, sorry, DJ. This is Marina.
I've heard a lot about you, DJ.
- You have? - Oh, yeah.
All the time.
The last time I saw this kid, he was dressed up like a--
Like a girl.
Oh, no. No, no. No, I wasn't--
- A girl? - No, I was--
- No, I-- it was, uh... No. - Like a girl?
It was an all-boys production of Peter Pan.
Oh, nice.
- I was actually Wendy. - Oh, that's cool. Wendy!
Yeah.
I love that.
Wow! You're pregnant.
She's from Italy, man. They like to eat.
Jesus Christ!
God. I'm-- I'm so sorry. I--
Oh, he's teasing you.
Eight and a half months.
I'm so ready to pop.
That's very funny.
- So that's your, uh... - Yeah.
You're gonna be a fuckin' uncle, kid.
That's exciting, right? Huh?
It's been a really long time, Rocco.
- I mean-- - Look at these guns, man.
You've been workin' out or somethin'?
- Yeah. You know, a little. - Yeah?
Little, uh, morning jog.
Get the day started.
You know, we went to your other house first,
the big one with the shutters.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
We, uh, celebrate the New Year's up here in the cabin.
We've been driving for so long.
It's really hard to find this place in the dark.
Yeah.
I really wish you guys had told me you were coming.
You know, I have designed
a highly detailed topographical map
for this exact reason.
Totally could have emailed it to you guys.
Oh, Rocco's not on the internet.
- No. - No?
No. No.
I don't want the government in my shit, you know?
Yeah. He's old school.
Hey, DJ, you wanna help me grab something from the car
real quick?
Oh, yeah. What is it?
Uh, I don't wanna ruin the surprise.
You're gonna love it.
Okay.
Hello.
Who the heck are you?
My name is Marina Bravo.
I'm Rocco's girl.
Rocco's here?
Oh, yeah.
He's just getting something from the car.
What the hell he do this time?
He said you'd say that, Mr. Gauthier.
Yeah. And that?
Yeah.
Oh, sweet Jesus. You brought her?
Great.
Hey, no, no, no. Don't put her there.
Uh, Sandy just bought that couch.
Well, she can't sleep in the-- in the fucking car.
She mixed something called Zambuca with some pills.
You're gonna get me in a ton of trouble.
- How? Uh, with your new wife? - Yeah.
My brand new fucking wife that I've been married to
for 18 years.
What are you doin' here?
What a warm welcome to your home.
What kind of trouble are you in now?
Why's it always gotta be that?
Because it's you.
What kind of talk is this from a father
- to his eldest son? - Oh, easy, Marina.
This ain't Italy, lady.
This is how we talk in my house when people arrive unannounced
in the middle of the fuckin' night.
Okay?
Okay. It's late.
DJ, put Miss Bravo in your room
and bring a fucking sleeping bag into our room.
Okay.
You know what, you sure cuss a lot
when Rocco's around.
Yeah. You noticed.
Dad?
Just everybody go to sleep.
Except you.
Oh.
It's beautiful out here.
It's peaceful, you know?
It was. Yes.
What do you want me to say? I'm sorry?
Fine. I'm fucking sorry.
For what?
We're on vacation.
And you brought that?
She wanted to come.
You know how she gets.
What, you get in a fight?
No.
It's, uh, I'm always in fights.
Fuck. It's nothing.
Yeah.
Look, uh...
We're just passing through.
I wanted Marina to-- to meet the rest
of my extended family during holidays--
You're supposed to call first.
Jesus Christ.
It was-- it was the last minute.
This is a very delicate situation here.
You know, DJ's very impressionable,
and that woman has got no filter.
Please. I've spent a long fuckin' night.
You're not even gonna ask?
Ask what?
It's a boy.
A boy?
Yes, a boy.
Oh, yeah. Oh.
You know what's fucked up?
I always--
I always expect you to-- I don't know,
act like a normal father should.
Like, what is wrong with me that I keep hoping for that?
You leave tomorrow.
Yeah, I leave tomorrow.
I'm afraid, Rocco.
Oh, we're safe here, okay?
Okay.
I'm gonna take care of you.
And Ma, and the baby, alright?
Okay.
Get some sleep.
I didn't really know Ruth well.
But the last time I saw her...
R-- Ruth?
...she definitely left a strong impression on me.
Who are you?
I'm the person that Vincent married before her.
They never told me about you.
I guess that means, uh, I don't exist 'cause I do.
Who's your husband?
I don't have a husband.
Why not?
I don't know.
I don't know, I don't know.
I don't know, you know, life.
Why don't you go play somewhere else?
Do you need a hug?
God, no.
All the things I need, I don't.
I-- why don't you go find, like, I don't know,
there's some nice people.
Go find some people that really, uh,
you know, give a fuck about you.
You know what I mean?
Do you have any friends?
You know, I get the feeling you don't have any friends.
Why don't you get the fuck out of here, you know?
How about if you don't leave right now,
I'm gonna cut your little dick off?
How does that-- how do-- how do you feel about that?
Mom!
I'm gonna stick it up your ass.
Ruth?
You-- you okay?
Who the fuck are you?
Whoa, whoa. It-- it's me! It's me, DJ!
Who?
Vincent's other son!
What?
What the fuck are you doin' in my house?
No, no, no, look around, this is my house!
- What? - You're in Maine!
What?
Well, how the fuck did I get here?
Rocco drove you!
Please, please take the knife away.
Alright, I'm sorry.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry.
Look, you were passed out.
I-- I helped Rocco carry you in.
Sorry.
Yeah, it's fine.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, it's alright.
Oh, my God.
I think I was drugged.
Wait, what?
Yeah. Oh, my God!
I was drugged.
Jesus, wait, but by who?
I don't fuckin' know.
I have no fuckin' idea.
And all I know is the last time that I felt like this,
I woke up in a warehouse in Providence, Rhode Island,
And-- and, oh, my God, my asshole.
It felt like I had been sittin' on a Coke bottle.
You-- you said what?
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. You know what?
You really, like,
you cleaned up nice in this life.
Look at you.
Thank you.
Yeah, no, it's-- it's a nice place.
Right? Good for you.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You know, I, uh, I remember when you were, like,
Runnin' around the first time I saw you, you know,
and you were runnin' around in your--
in a little nightgown, you know?
You had a little blonde wig on and--
Well, it was a--
I didn't know what the fuck was goin' on.
Well, it-- it was a play.
It was Peter Pan.
Ruth?
Oh, hi.
DJ! What's goin' on here?
Well, uh, Rocco, and his wife, and his mom came--
No, girlfriend.
Girlfriend. Girlfriend.
Because, well, you know,
just because Rocco didn't use a condom, you know,
doesn't mean that, you know, they're united
in holy fucking matrimony right now.
It is so nice to see you, Ruth. As always.
This is unexpected.
Yeah. Yeah, it's a surprise.
Yeah, I mean, everyone's fuckin' surprised, Ma.
I'm surprised.
Yeah.
Hmm. Look at you.
I'm sorry.
Yeah. Well, wow.
Great place.
I mean, you know, maybe it could have been bigger,
but I-- really incredible.
Yeah.
This is our vacation home.
Oh.
What-- what is all with all the, you know, the toys?
You know, the white--
Oh, those are Vincent's model boats.
Oh.
He builds them to help him relax.
Wait. Wait.
Are you fuckin' serious?
Yeah.
I mean, I guess Rocco's like that, too,
because, I mean, he does painting and stuff,
but, yeah, you know, me, I don't really get art,
you know?
Can I get you anything, Ruth?
I'd sell my left tit for an Advil
and a cup of coffee.
No need to sell anything.
Uh, DJ, can you help the lady out, please?
Well, yeah. Um...
Am I goin'?
Thank you.
Wow.
You really have a nice place.
Oh, this-- I-- this is-- oh, it's all just so, you know,
it's so...
Can we just not pretend?
Okay, Ruth?
Okay.
Fair enough.
Yeah. Yeah.
Just, you know, as soon as I find out
what the hell is going' on here, then I'll be on my merry way.
Good morning.
Rocco! Hi. Who's this?
Oh, sorry.
This is Marina, and this is our son.
Congratulations.
Hi. I'm Sandy.
You keep a lovely home.
Yeah. I was saying that, too.
Uh, yeah. Sorry for the surprise here.
We thought it would be a nice, uh, like...
An impromptu trip.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Uh, to celebrate the new year. - Yeah.
Nice excuse to get the-- the whole family together, right?
- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah.
We're so grateful for your hospitality.
Think nothing of it.
Yeah.
Well, I don't wanna be rude,
but what the fuck am I doin' here?
Uh, you wanted to go on a little road trip, right?
- Remember? - Yeah.
Oh, bullshit!
- You know, you drugged me. - No. No.
Yes, you did.
We're gonna walk in a little air here.
Yes, you did.
No, I was drugged. I was drugged.
Let's get a little air.
Can you just calm down?
These people don't need to hear our fucking disagreements, okay?
Yes. No.
People?
There's no people up here.
It's just these fuckin' birds.
These-- these awful birds.
These birds that are giving me a headache.
Can't stand 'em.
What's the matter with you?
Come on. Just...
What's the matter with...
Why am I here? That's what I wanna know.
Why am I here?
You blacked out.
Blacked out?
No, no, no.
No, no. Something's fishy.
Something is fishy.
And I wanna show you something.
Here we go. Look at this.
What? What?
Look at-- this is a ticket.
Look here.
A ticket to see Celine Dion at the Fleet Forum.
You know, me and my girlfriends,
we've been puttin' this whole thing together
for months.
Okay.
Like, why the hell would I come up here to,
you know, the middle of the sticks, right?
Why would I come up here if I had this ticket, right?
I don't know.
Who-- who knows why you do half the shit you do?
You know, she's an inspiration to women of a certain age.
- Yeah, she--Yeah. - She really is.
Well, she'll be playin' again. You've seen her a hundred times.
- What kind of trouble you in? - What-- no.
Why-- why-- why is it always I fucked up, you know?
My son is due any week.
Marina, sh-- she hasn't met the family.
I wanted her to meet the family, which includes you.
Yeah, but why'd you drug me?
I didn't drug you.
I figured you'd wake up in the middle of all these trees
and shit.
And be happy.
That's so sweet, honey.
- I love you. - I love you, too.
- I really-- - I love you, Ma.
- I love you. - Please give me a hug.
- Love you, love you, love you. - I love you.
And you know, I just wanna know do you have anything to drink?
Because I-- I can't spend one more second
in that bunker with, you know...
No.
- Clair Huxtable, you know? - Yeah.
I'm-- just-- I swear to God, I'm gonna blow my brains out.
I know, I know. I-- I-- I'll do a beer run.
Here, in the meantime, smoke this.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
Would you get high with me, please?
Yeah, Ma. I'll smoke with you. Let's just go over there.
But, I like... You know, I like these.
You light it up like this.
It's...
Yeah.
Maybe the forest ain't so bad.
Sorry, I took over your kitchen.
When I get nervous, I cook.
Why are you nervous, honey?
Oh, you know, baby coming and all.
Meeting Vincent and his family.
Do you have a name picked out yet?
It's a secret.
God, I loved being pregnant.
It just felt like my whole body glowed.
Hmm. Hormones, yeah.
They cause an increase of secretions in oil glands
and they surge in blood volume.
My handsome little scientist.
He's gonna major in biology at Dartmouth.
You'll see one day when you meet the one
and fall in love.
You know, the night after Rocco kissed me
for the first time, I slept for two days.
I was in a love coma.
The first time Vincent and I kissed,
it was on a beach in Cape Cod.
And right after, he looked at me and he said,
"I'm gonna take care of you for the rest of my life."
Oh.
I just closed my eyes and it was just fireworks.
Her hypothalamus transmitted them to her pituitary gland.
A romantic, huh?
It is science. You know, like, um...
Oh, why do you think women
have such difficulty achieving orgasm?
Okay.
Maybe in your experience.
DJ, knock it off.
What?
Oh, no, no, it's okay.
I wanna hear about this. Tell me.
Okay, well, um,
See, evolutionary biologists suggest
that females' difficulty in achieving orgasm
might be an example of Darwinian evolution.
See, the more complicated orgasm,
leads the female to choose mates
who have more evolved qualities, you know, like, uh,
patience, care, imagination,
and, uh, intelligence,
as opposed to the more primitive qualities
such as size, strength, and aggression,
which pertains to mate selection
in other less evolved primates.
What's her name?
Whose name?
The girl who broke your heart.
Brittany.
Brittanys are usually dangerous.
Big time.
Oh, she destroyed him.
Oh, no.
Oh, completely destroyed him.
He cried for days. We were so concerned.
Oh, that's horrible.
Hmm.
Hey, uh, Mom, if, uh, if Dad was the one,
then who was my father?
What do you mean?
Oh, is it because he cheated on you when he died.
Is that why it doesn't count?
Mornin', everybody.
What?
You know, can I get a word with both of you?
Be right back.
What's goin' on?
Do you enjoy embarrassing me?
I'm sorry I even brought it up, Mom.
- I-- I shouldn't have done that. - Brought-- brought what up?
My, um, my biological father, how he cheated.
Oh.
That was not your choice
to tell my son my personal business.
I'm-- I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry.
I-- I-- I just thought he was old enough to know.
Well, the three of us are gonna have a damn dissertation
on trust later, but right now
we've got house guests.
We're gonna need more fucking steaks.
Why'd you tell your mother about our conversation?
Vin!
Ruth.
You hear about the baby?
Yeah.
Yeah, if you ask me,
we're too young to be fucking grandparents.
All because your son couldn't pull out in time.
I'm gonna go run a few errands.
Anybody want to come?
Yeah, sounds good.
I gotta grab some things.
Yeah, sure.
I'll drive.
No, you stay.
And do what?
Think about making better choices moving forward.
Okay.
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪
I'm gonna grab some food and maybe coffee.
You want anything?
Mm-mm.
♪ Jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪
What the fuck is this?
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
Hey, Merry Christmas to ya!
♪ O'er the fields we go ♪
♪ Laughin' all the way ♪
I was hoping for more of a 7/11 type vibe, you know?
You got any, like, uh, Slim Jims or some shit?
No Slim Jims.
All that processed garbage is causing chaos
in your stomach.
Have a little consideration.
What are you talkin' about?
Past two hours you've been passing gas
like a very sick infant.
I gotta breathe all that.
I'm sorry, Leftie, I had a lot of coffee, okay?
Sorry.
And then you use my name?
Jesus Christ, Lonnie.
Hmm? You just said my name.
You catch our names by any chance?
Yeah.
He called you Leftie, and you called him Lonnie.
How nice.
So, do we have to, uh...
After all I've been through,
that's how much value you give a human life?
You don't go killing a living person over a name.
Alright, besides, there's cameras all around
the world anywhere nowadays.
Like, go buy your thing.
But be conscious of your digestion.
How's an apple? Apple good?
Get an apple.
We're not from around here.
Yeah, I picked up on that.
Would you mind telling me how far it is to Yarmouth, Maine?
Yarmouth's a ways.
Uh...
Sir, do you have any normal apples?
And is this Santa for sale?
Your son's quite the character.
My who?
Your son.
He's not my son.
You know Johnnie?
Why would you say that?
That he's your son?
- Why? - What?
You came in, and I mean, you were together,
and you...
Oh, that thing doesn't even work.
Now I heard you talkin' about cameras to your son here,
and, uh-- dang it, I did it again.
Call him your son when he's obviously not your son.
What happened?
What happened to the not killin' the whole
'cause of the name?
Well, I overreacted.
Okay.
He brought up Johnnie,
and I got emotions.
What, I'm not allowed?
Of course you are.
How did he know Johnnie? What'd he say?
Oh, some misunderstanding.
Oh.
Poor old idiot.
Probably didn't mean anything by it.
Yeah.
You get older, you get more emotional.
Yeah.
Alright.
Let's get the hell out of here.
Yeah.
Huh?
Oh, great.
Hey, Vin.
Oh.
How you doin'?
God damn it.
Oh.
Be respectful of people's things, will ya?
Sorry.
Fuck.
Whoops.
Alright.
Oh, well.
They still not back yet?
No.
No, you know--
You know how the stores are, you know, this time of year.
You know, everybody's like--
Everybody's gotta celebrate. You know?
The holidays.
What a fuckin' joke.
Fuckin' eat my ass.
Nice thing you got going here, though.
Right?
You know, uh, I was with a guy,
you know, for about six months.
And, uh, he was a-- he was a good guy.
He, uh, he installed air conditioners.
And, uh, yeah, it did work out.
But, you know, that's okay.
'Cause, you know what his--
His-- his cock was--
He was hung like a tuna can.
What the fuckin' mess?
Jesus.
Um, right.
Doesn't seem like you're listenin' to me.
Are you listenin' to me?
What do you want, Ruth?
I don't know.
How about a-- how about a conversation?
You know, between two people.
Where they look each other in the eye.
Something like that. How about that?
You know, I keep--
I keep waiting for the good times
to kick back in, you know?
Where you, like, show up, you know,
and you whip out your beautiful cock,
and you aim it right at me, and you-- you know,
it's like a-- a big gun, you know what I mean?
Just waiting to fire.
I mean, that's what I'm waiting for.
Huh?
It's time to move on, Ruth.
Pull yourself together.
Oh, listen to you.
Listen to you.
Pull myself together.
I mean, look,
is your wife falling for your act
that you got goin' here?
'Cause you got such...
What the fuck are you and Rocco doin' here?
You know Rocco always thought
that it was his fault that you left.
You know, and I could have told him that
it wasn't.
But, you know, I-- I kind of like that--
That the load was on him.
I-- it was really terrible.
And I'm an awful person.
I'm not listenin'.
Well, the fatherless kid in our neighborhood?
You kidding me?
Imagine what could have happened with that kid.
You know, if--
If he had a father that was around,
an education, adoptment!
What do you want from me?
I want you to admit that you gave that kid
a raw deal.
You don't think I know
about the nature/nurture theories?
I read.
Go fuck yourself.
Go drink your fucking whiskey.
Leftie came by yesterday.
Leftie?
Was he with his son Johnnie?
Oh. Hey.
He was there with some twitchy weasel
he called Lonnie.
- Hey. - Hey.
The ones with the faggiest names
are always the most dangerous.
Thanks for having us.
What did he want?
So, uh, what brings you guys here?
He asked where Rocco was, and I told him I didn't know.
Where's Rocco?
I haven't seen him.
He went MIA.
What'd he say?
He said, good ziti.
This is incredible ziti.
What'd he say about Rocco?
If you see Vin, tell him I said hello.
You really think he would come all the way up here
to be with the squirrels and the mooses?
He's been north before.
What for?
It's none of your fucking business.
Oh.
Do you think he's after Rocco?
I don't know. I got a bad feeling.
Well, really?
Well, what are we gonna do?
- Hey, what are you doin'? - Oh, come on.
- No, it's just-- no-- you know-- - What are you doin'?
You know, I-- I get horny when I'm scared.
- I'm married. - I'm getting--
I know, who cares?
It's just us in the shitty wildlife, you know?
Just you and me. No one's gonna know.
What the fuck's the matter with you?
- Come on. - No, no, no, no!
- No, get off of me! - What?
I'm not gonna.
Come on
I'm not gonna, Ruth.
That's a shame.
You're gonna just put something that hard to waste.
Jesus Christ.
Just--
I'm open to--
To getting screwed today, Vin.
I don't wanna start the year burning down the forest.
So, sparkler's about right.
Come on, sparklers?
What am I, nine years old?
Something less explosive, please.
The whole idea of fireworks is to explode.
Do you have a girlfriend, DJ?
I've been friendzoned.
What does this friendzoned mean?
I mean, she calls whenever she needs a friend.
To fuck?
- Oh. - Oh.
You know, I'm gonna go just...
Yeah.
- Look in the back. - Okay.
Hmm?
No.
Definitely not.
You know, we never actually...
I mean, we've done stuff, you know,
just not like the-- the major stuff.
You'll meet the one, and it will change your life.
Yeah, but when you look at it
from an evolutionary perspective,
the-- the whole--
If you ever want to get laid,
you need to stop talking like this.
Okay?
I don't know.
I guess I'm just nervous that I'm not, you know,
tough enough to scare off other male suitors.
You think that's why I'm with your brother?
Because he scares other guys away?
I mean, he's tough.
I fell in love with Rocco because of a turtle.
A turtle?
Mm-hmm.
Little guy.
Found him in the gutter.
Had been run over.
What is that?
Hey buddy, come here, come here.
Is he alright?
Oh, his shell's all fucked up.
Oh.
Hey, come here.
It's okay, buddy.
You're gonna be okay, little guy.
Yeah, it's all fucking...
Rocco walked me out to my apartment
and said good night.
Okay, well. I--
I should, uh... I'm gonna head out.
He didn't stay over yet.
I was making him wait.
- Rocco! - Yeah?
Fuck.
I-- I should head out.
I'm gonna head out.
I'll see you later, okay?
Yeah.
No matter what guys tell you, they love to wait.
First time we made love,
I sleep over his place,
get up to pee.
He took that turtle home, bandaged him up,
took care of him.
That's when I realized he was the one.
Come here.
Come.
Okay.
Oh.
Feel it.
I can feel him.
Yes.
Your baby's kicking?
Kicking the heck out of me.
We make the choices that connect us, DJ.
We decide what we are.
And what are we?
Family.
No, no, no.
Don't-- don't hang up on me.
Don't--
Pick up your fucking phone when I call you.
Alright?
Pick--
You-- fuck, fuck, fuck!
Rocco!
You need to relax.
I'm feeling tired, Miss Gauthier.
Do you mind if I have Rocco drive me back
while you continue the rest of the shopping?
Sure.
Hey, uh, can I go with them?
Please?
Okay. Later, Mom.
What's goin' on, Rocco?
Who did you talk to?
- Just a friend, okay? - And?
Now, what-- what is this, a fuckin' interrogation?
Don't yell at me!
I'm not-- I'm not fucking yellin'.
Maybe we should all just calm down.
Okay, look.
I was told his father was pokin' around.
As he does.
It's to be expected.
Everything's okay.
Can he find us up here?
Hey, whose father?
Nobody. Nobody.
And no, he can't find us up here.
I don't even know where the fuck we are and we're here, okay?
Let's just all-- let's fucking calm down.
It's bad for the baby.
Take some deep breaths.
We'll go back.
You take a shower.
They got great water pressure.
Beautiful house.
Everything's gonna be fucking fine.
Give me the piece.
No, not-- no, not in front of the fuckin'--
- What piece? A piece of what? - Nothin', nothin'.
- He's cool. - Yeah, I'm cool.
You're cool?
- Yeah, I'm cool. - Yeah, you're cool?
- Yeah, I am. - Yeah. He's a good kid.
My dad has rules, Marina.
I can't risk pissin' him off.
What rules? What are you talkin' about?
Mind your fuckin' business, kid! Alright?
Rocco!
I want your opinion,
I'll fuckin' smack it out of you, college boy!
Alright?
Rocco!
Cut this shit!
Are you okay, DJ?
I'm fine.
You keep acting like your father,
I will raise this child without you.
Do you understand?
Yeah, yeah, I do. I do.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Here.
Take this.
Anybody comes, and I'm not around,
you know what to do.
It's so small.
Well, it's all about how you use it, baby.
You know?
Stick it up to his ear. Bang!
Little bullet spins around and causes mayhem up there.
Kiss me. Right now.
I need it.
Let's go somewhere.
Okay, yeah, where do you wanna go?
I'm kidding.
I'm too fat to fuck.
No, you are not.
There's other--
We can do other things, you know?
I can't even put a spoon in my mouth without puking.
What about just a hand?
Maybe just a hand.
Come on.
It's dangerous to stay here much longer.
Yeah, I know.
I-- I still need to talk to my pops, you know?
I don't know what to do.
So, talk to him.
It's not so easy.
I know it's not.
You're going to be a great father.
I don't know what you just said, but it was fuckin' beautiful.
Hey.
Should mind my own business.
No, you were just trying to help, you know?
Sorry for goin' apeshit on you back there.
It's just me and Vincent.
We...
It's a complicated relationship.
He's a lot different with me than he was with you.
Isn't he?
Yeah, he was younger with me, you know?
Didn't have his shit figured out, I guess.
Not until your-- your mom shaped him up.
Now he's like a different person.
Anyway, I just wanted to...
I don't know.
Say you're sorry?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I won't ever do that again to you.
It's hell of a view out here.
Yeah.
Hey, um, Marina told me about the turtle.
Yeah?
Well, she said that's how she knew you were the one,
but she didn't say how you two met.
Oh, that's a-- that's a long story.
Not to mention inappropriate.
I mean, we got time.
You got somewhere else to be?
No.
Alright.
Well, are you-- you an ass man or tits man?
Uh, why?
It-- it's relevant to the story.
I-- I don't...
I don't know what I am.
Okay.
If you don't know, you're probably an ass man.
So, this one night, I'm down at this bar near my--
My place on Grand.
Total, total dive.
Shit hole.
And I see this girl.
She's got...
I don't know how else to say this.
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ No, no, no, no ♪
You wanna dance?
No, I don't dance.
What? Um...
♪ Well, we can't take her this week ♪
Holy shit, yeah.
Yeah.
Needless to say...
I'm a really fucking bad drunk.
We hit it off immediately.
♪ Personality crisis ♪
Oh, fuck.
♪ But now frustration ♪
Fuck my tits with your face.
I mean, I knew she was crazy,
but oh, those tits!
Wanna fuck?
You have an axe?
Then, she grabs my fuckin' axe.
And I'm tryin' to tell her, "Hold the fuck off!"
Whoa!
Jesus.
♪ Wanna be someone who counts ♪
♪ But you're thinkin' about the times you did ♪
It's so cool you have a bed up there.
Then we end up on my fuckin' ladder.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Jesus.
♪ You got to contradict all the times ♪
♪ You were butterflyin' about ♪
♪ You were butterflyin' ♪
Oh my God.
Fuck.
Your-- your nose is, like, uh...
What?
She fuckin' blames me.
You did this to me!
- You did this to me! - Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey!
Come on!
*You don't want to be here right now.
It's so stupid.
What?
No. I'm fine.
Why are we here?
This is stupid.
It's so stupid.
I barge into the waiting room,
holding this insane, bloody, fucking weird nose wackjob
and what do I see?
Three fucking cops!
Wow.
Help!
Fuck!
♪ You got it while it was hot ♪
Motherfucker!
♪ Because you walk a personality ♪
♪ Talk a personality ♪
Fuck, fuck.
Fuck!
I'm literally at the lowest point in my life
and it hits me, I'm-- I'm a loser.
Not even fit to breathe.
No wonder my old man left.
If I had a pistol, I'd have blown my brains out
and done everybody a favor.
Instead, I-- I start weeping like a little fuckin' baby.
And then I look up.
And there she is.
Hey.
Hi.
Do I know you?
Oh, yeah.
We met at Leftie's birthday party.
Yeah.
- Last year? - Yeah.
What was your name?
Marina.
Marina, right.
Rocco.
Rocco, right. Rocco.
You Jo-- you're Johnnie's girl, right?
I was.
You know Johnnie,
he doesn't stay with one girl too long.
That's too bad.
You need a little help?
Yeah. I mean, yeah.
It's embarrassing.
Yeah.
Um no, I don't know what you could do.
Let's see.
Here you go.
Who knew the love of my life could pick a lock
in five fucking seconds?
Oh, fuck.
Let's get some pancakes.
There it was.
Marina.
Yeah, she-- she makes me feel like I can
be anything I wanna be.
It's a great story.
You know, sex, violence, a happy ending.
I think I might put some more thought
into this whole ass versus tits aesthetic.
I'm gonna do my own little research later.
Yeah.
Alright.
We better head back.
I gotta talk to the Pops.
Hey.
Kind of nice havin' a little brother
to kick around, you know?
Oh, shit, you got a little something on your--
- ...on your face right there. - Yeah, right.
Whoa, Dad!
You're a mess.
Where have you been?
On a walk.
I needed to clear my head.
You got a smoke?
Yeah.
Here.
Thanks.
Hey, uh, can-- can I have one?
- No. - No.
DJ, go fire up the grill, will you?
Yeah, okay.
- Hi, honey. - Hey, Mom.
You need help with that?
No, no, no.
Have you seen my mom?
She's passed out under the table in the back.
Oh, sorry about that.
No.
Not your fault, Rocco.
All right, if you guys need me,
I'll be tapping into the Tempranillo.
Alright.
We gotta talk about Leftie.
Yeah.
So, what do you know?
Not enough.
First thing you got-- you gotta change your tone.
What, you're up to your ears in shit,
and I gotta change my tone?
You always make me feel like I'm a jerk-off,
but I'm-- I'm better than you.
I would never in a million fuckin' years walk out
on Marina and my son.
You really wanna get into this now?
Yeah. I mean, w--
Hey!
There you are!
Wait for me before you two start
hittin' each other.
Get the fuck out of here.
Easy.
No, you take it easy.
This kind of behavior is unacceptable in my house.
Oh, my God, unacceptable.
Pleased with this cerebral bullshit.
Mom always said that we were cut from a different cloth.
So, Vincent, where did you say you're from?
Boston.
Oh, that's a filthy town.
Not without its charms, I'm sure.
Gauthier, is that French?
I'm half French-Canadian and half Italian.
- Ah. - Oh!
You have family in Italy?
Oh, my folks died before I had a chance to ask them.
I speak it though.
Fluent.
Yeah.
Oh.
Okay.
Where you going?
A different cloth.
Not better.
Just different.
Leftie knows where I live.
How?
A long time ago, he came up here
and he did me a favor.
Came here? Here?
No, but he knows my other place.
And it's two hours away, but still.
Oh, fuck.
What was the favor?
The more pressing question is what the fuck did you do, Rocco?
It's New Year's.
You guys want cupcakes?
No, we're good.
We'll be right in, hon.
We're just finishin' up a little chat here.
Okay.
I can't stand her.
I'm sorry, what was that, Ruth?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I hate her.
Go on, Rocco.
So, you know, Johnnie dated Marina before me.
And you didn't ask permission?
Of course, I asked for permission.
I got fuckin' honor in me.
When me and Marina began having sparks
before I so much as held her fuckin' hand,
I went to Johnnie.
Johnnie, we go back a long fuckin' way,
you and me.
You know?
I respect you and your father
like you're my own fuckin' family.
So, I'll n-- I'll never even so much as look
in her general direction without your blessing,
but just-- just know this.
You know, I...
I really, really feel like I could develop wife--
Wife-like feelings for this one, you know?
You show real respect, Rocco.
You know, because the heart is a mystery
and you never know.
Truth is, I got five broads I'm bangin' this week alone.
You know?
Yeah.
This Marina, I'm not gonna lie, I enjoyed fuckin' her a lot.
Like, I wouldn't lie to you.
Triple-A pussy.
But, uh, it was never love.
So if you feel like you two have the potential for matrimony
or whatever,
and you don't mind that I railed her,...
...go with my blessing.
Especially since you took me out for this...
...Kung pao chicken dinner, you cheap fuck.
And crab rangoon.
Come on, don't forget about the fucking crab rangoon.
Hmm?
He gave me permission, you know?
He said it was fine.
And yesterday, me and Marina are having lunch
at Da Noi's, you know?
Just fuckin' lunch.
That's all it was.
Just a fuckin' lunch.
Alright, I'm gonna go to...
I'm gonna-- I'm gonna go use the el bagno.
The el bano.
Il bagno.
Yes.
Il bagno. Ah.
Il bagno.
Can I get a whiskey?
Oh!
It isn't my favorite couple.
No, give me the...
Yeah, no, yeah, fuck it, that's fine.
♪ ...under the mistletoe ♪
♪ I can't help reminiscing ♪
♪ Knowing I'll be missing ♪
Bonjourno, Johnnie.
Bonjourno.
How you doing, man?
Late night?
Yeah.
Yeah, just headin' home.
Wow, okay, yeah.
You really tied one on, huh?
Yeah, yeah, well.
You know, I have, uh, been drinking.
Yeah.
Are you alright, Johnnie?
Yeah.
- Yeah? - Yes, I'm alright, thank you.
You want a coffee or something?
Claudio, can we get him a coffee?
Thank you.
You sure you're alright?
We got some ibuprofen in the glove box.
Next person asks if I'm alright, I'm gonna cut their eyeball out
and squeeze it between my fingers.
Somebody needs a fuckin' nap here, man.
Jesus.
Yeah.
So, when's the little miracle due?
Uh, about a month.
You got a name?
Yeah, we got a name.
- It's, uh-- - It's a secret.
- Right, yeah. Secret. - Yeah, it's a secret.
It's a secret?
Oh, that's nice.
Secrets, I like secrets.
Well, don't let me stop you.
From what?
You were gettin' up when I got here.
Oh, yeah, I was gonna take a leak, it's no big deal.
- So, go. - Uh, no, no,...
...I don't wanna leave you all alone here.
I'm worried about you.
I'm not alone.
I got triple A.
We know each other, remember?
Yeah, of course, yeah.
You remember?
I do.
Oh, she remembers.
Go to the fuckin' bathroom.
This is a very funny situation.
Go to the bathroom.
Um...
Go to the fuckin' bath--
Are you scared to go to the bathroom?
Oh, well, fuckin'...
I don't know. I'll, uh...
I'll be right back, yeah.
Very high strung.
Can I...
Can I feel it?
Wow.
Look at you.
Fuck.
What the fuck is your problem?
For fuck's sake, let me go!
Get back!
- Get away! - No.
No! Hey! Hey!
Are you fuckin' crazy?
Oh, get the fuck off me!
Rocco! No!
No!
Drop it.
Give me your fucking gun.
- What the fuck are-- - Drop it!
Hey, be-- be cool, Johnnie. Alright?
Johnnie, I don't know what the fuck I did, okay?
I'm sorry.
You don't know what you did?
- Hey. - Put the fucking--
Johnnie, put the fucking gun on me!
What are you gonna do?
You gonna wa-- wa-- you know what?
You're gonna watch me? What kind of man are you?
What kind of fuckin' man are you?
You got two choices.
Here?
- Or here? - No. No, no, no, no.
I'm gonna count three.
Then I'm gonna pop her open.
- One! - No, you're not.
No, you're not.
Two!
No!
You think I fuckin' wanted--
Hey, Dad?
Hi. Sorry to interrupt.
I'm just havin' a little trouble with the grill.
It's lighting.
You open the fuckin' valve?
Crap.
No!
No, Rocco!
No!
Rocco!
We need to go. No.
We need to go. Rocco.
Where's my fucking gun?
- We need to go! - Wait.
We need to fucking go!
I-- I did what I did to protect my family.
Oh, my God.
They're just gonna come and--
They're gonna come and they're gonna kill us.
This happened yesterday afternoon?
Yeah.
I-- I waited till Leftie left Ma's apartment,
and I drugged her,
and-- and hit the road.
Yeah, I didn't even have time to pack my fuckin' paintings.
I knew it!
You still got some time.
I don't know, Vin.
Leftie looked ready for a road trip.
He doesn't know about this house.
He knows about the other one.
This place is in a different name.
Don't you still know people
or, you know, can't-- can't you talk to somebody or...
You killed his son, Rocco.
You can't talk your way out of that.
Hey, sorry, sorry.
I know I'm bothering you.
It's just Mom wants the steak started like right now
and I-- I can't get it to light.
Did you hit the red button three fuckin' times?
Three fuckin' times.
Got it.
One more thing, Dad.
You don't have to be such a dick.
Right, Rocco?
How much cash you got?
I pulled my stash, maybe eight grand.
You need some disappear money.
Where the fuck am I gonna get that?
The bank in town opens tomorrow.
I got just over a 100 grand in the safety deposit box.
You'd do that for me?
You're my son.
And I don't want my family here to suffer
'cause of your shit.
Yeah, sorry, one more thing.
Get the fuck out of here!
Please, kid, just, yeah, fuckin' hit the road.
Fine.
So, you'll stay tonight?
I'm gonna check on the meat.
♪ Take the ribbon from my hair ♪
♪ Shake it loose and let it fall ♪
♪ Laying soft against your skin ♪
♪ Like the shadows on the wall ♪
Dinner's ready.
♪ Come and lay down by my side ♪
♪ Till the early morning light ♪
♪ All I'm taking is your time ♪
♪ Help me make it through the night ♪
♪ I don't care what's right or wrong ♪
♪ And I won't try to understand ♪
♪ Let the devil take tomorrow ♪
♪ For tonight I need a friend ♪
♪ Yesterday is dead and gone ♪
♪ And tomorrow's out of sight ♪
♪ And it's sad to be alone ♪
♪ Help me make it through the night ♪
Happy New Year!
This guy's house is fuckin' huge.
What'd you say he does again?
He's a contractor of some sort.
I forgot.
I'm gettin' old.
You know, brain shrinkage.
You know, they say it doesn't happen to chimpanzees.
Monkeys don't age?
They age.
They're not fuckin' immortal.
But their frontal lobe does not shrink.
I'm not sure how they keep track of that.
It's not like chimps are writing opera or anything.
Let's go take a look.
Yeah.
Who the fuck leaves the door open when they're not home?
People have moved to this neighborhood.
There's nobody here.
All right, check the drawers in the bedroom.
Okay.
Find out where they went.
What do you see?
White people.
You can't hide from us!
We see you in there, you sillies!
Fuckin' answer it.
Really?
See that thing in your hand?
Yeah.
That means you don't have to worry.
Hello!
How we doin'?
- Oh. - Hey!
Hey. Hi!
Hey, hey, how you doin'?
Hey. Hi.
- Hi. - Hi!
Sorry to bother you,
but we saw you two walkin' up the driveway.
- Yep. - Yeah.
Fumblin' around the house here, and we thought you might be
in trouble.
We're here.
'Cause Vincent sometimes puts these lights on timers.
Yeah.
And it can be very confusing...
It is.
...for family and friends...
I tell him.
When they come into town.
- Yeah, yeah. - I always say to Garrison--
No, she's always saying, she's sayin' all the time,
she says, "I mean, how the heck are Vincent's friends
or family gonna figure out how to work the TV, etcetera
with all these damn timers on?
He makes it impossible.
It's impossible.
It's-- it--
- That's what I say. - Well, also, I say--
It's off.
I say, "Vincent."
Vincent, yes.
"You don't have to worry about burglars."
Yeah.
We'll keep an eye on the place for you.
No. No, no, we're always home.
I mean, we go to the club, obviously.
But most of the time, we're just a couple
of couch potatoes.
- Isn't that right, honey? - Yeah.
But you know what? Never takes us up on it.
Never does.
- Yeah. - Ha!
Not-- not a once.
- Oh. - Yeah.
Hmm, that's nice.
Is it?
That's why we--
That's why we came over.
- We're here. - To say hello.
- Hello. - Hey.
Howdy?
- And I know you've tracked it. - Hey.
- I brought cookies. - Give him some.
- Oh. Oh. Oh. - Both of you should try it.
- Come on. - I can tell.
Give it to the big guy. I feel like he's...
- I knew you were a cookie guy. - He's circlin' there.
- He's a circling. - Yeah.
Oh, my.
Yeah, so, uh,
mm, do you know where he is?
Oh, well, you know, they always go up
to the country house for New Year's.
- Sure. - Well, that is-- that's a...
Yeah.
It's a huge letdown, because, uh, we had--
We really hoped to surprise him.
Oh, no!
Oh!
Hey.
You-- you wouldn't happen to have maybe an address or...
An address.
Um, we're gonna fix this problem right now.
I'm gonna do you one better than address.
Boys, I think I just saved everybody's New Year's,
and your surprise.
Hold up a sec.
No.
Yes.
No.
While he's doin' that--
Oh, yes.
No.
Yes.
It's a yes.
Dig in!
'Cause I got a surprise for you.
A little secret about those cookies.
Hmm.
They're made with orange juice instead of sugar.
Oh, my God.
Oh, clever.
- You can tell. - Can you believe it?
- No. - Yes.
It tastes exactly the same.
No.
No, I don't.
But please don't tell anyone, or I'll have to kill you.
No, honey, that's a little aggressive.
- I'll have to kill you. - What are you, crazy?
They know. I'm kidding. They know.
Well, I'm calling you they.
That's rude.
What are your names?
I never--
I never gave you a chance to tell me.
Roger.
Roger, right.
And-- and yours?
Hmm?
Your-- your name.
What's your name?
Oh.
Roger.
Roger?
Yeah.
Garrison, they both have the same name!
- Isn't that adorable? - Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
You know what?
I bet that's why they are such special friends.
Now, where the heck is this map?
Well, have you checked the drawer?
The drawers.
The drawer right there under the toaster oven.
This is why we're married.
This is why I love this woman.
Boys.
What we have right here is one highly detailed
topographical map.
Boop. Boop. Boop.
I'll tell you what?
We never would have found the place if DJ--
Mm-hmm.
Hadn't have sent that map over.
That is one smart kid.
Very smart.
And he's very good with the internet.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Can't throw a football if you know what I'm saying.
- Garrison. - Honey, I'm just...
- Stop it. - I'm just saying he's smart.
That's all. That's all I'm saying.
Okay.
This is gonna save us so much time.
Yeah. Yeah. We should-- We should probably go then...
Are you sure? No. I got some...
I got a couple of ribeyes in the freezer.
I can pop 'em on in the microwave,
put 'em on the grill.
- Aw! No, we-- - Is that right?
- We should-- yeah, um... - I've got haddock.
Does that make it okay?
I don't-- I don't know what that is.
That's a fish.
I got some strat, if you're interested in it.
You just don't wanna go on an empty stomach?
No?
Go take care of those two idiots.
What?
I thought you're not supposed to kill people you don't know.
I would categorize these as a must kill.
Oh, shit.
I dropped my Glock.
What?
I don't know. I...
I-- I thought I had it, I must have dropped it.
Jesus!
Jeez. Fuck!
Oh, good.
I thought we were gonna have to chase after you.
This was in the couch cushions.
Thank you.
Bro, you don't wanna leave home without that,
am I right?
You don't need to protect yourself
against muggers out here.
Yeah.
This isn't the city.
You two are so nice.
Say, you think it'd be okay if Rog
hopped back inside with you to use the bathroom
before we hit the road?
Roger that, Rogers.
Listen, there's enough pressure in the world.
You don't need any extra on your bladder.
- Am I right? - Yeah.
- All right. - So kind.
And they just had the bathroom redone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're gonna have to let us know what you think
of their bidet.
- Oh! - Oh! Oh, good. Good.
Good, good. Yeah.
- Let's go, kiddo. - You got to go before a trip.
Oh, but you don't wanna go on a long trip.
Roll that window up.
- It's cold out here, am I right? - Yeah. Hey, don't take forever.
Oh, you don't know where you're stoppin'.
Oh.
Sometimes you stop at an Italian restaurant,
maybe a little veal piccata, you know?
What's that?
Well, it's a-- well, it's a it's a baby calf.
I'm not gonna lie to you. It's kind of--
- Oh. - It's inappropriate.
I...
Hi, babe.
Oh, yeah.
You okay?
Hmm?
I know it's strange havin' everybody here,
and I'm sorry if I've been, I don't know, acting weird
or whatever,...
...but I love you,...
...and I need you.
I respect you.
And I want you.
Ruth says I don't know you.
But I do.
I know exactly what I'm fuckin' with.
Ugh.
Hey!
Oh, no.
Put the gun the fuck down!
What? What?
Sit down!
It's okay.
Wait, where's Rocco?
Well, that's funny. That's--
That's just what I was about to say.
All right, let's not do anything stupid.
Too late for that.
Wow, Vin.
Long time.
I look at you, I see how old I am.
How much whiskey you give Ruthie to pass out like that?
Who did that?
Quart, gallon?
Half, handle, what?
Who are these people?
I'm Leftie.
You must have heard your father talk about me.
No.
Well, you wonder what else he might
have left out.
Drop the fucking gun!
Rocco.
Drop it!
Rocco, no!
Hey, uh, Lonnie.
Yeah?
This murderous son of a bitch shoots me,
and frankly I don't give a fuck if he does,
blow his brains out,
then kill everybody in this house one by one, okay?
Will do.
Maybe best start by blastin' the face off the kid here...
- ...just to make a statement. - You got it.
Oh, heaven! Put the fucking gun down.
Sit down!
Next to the girl.
He tried to kill my girl. He tried to kill my baby.
Shut up!
This is not the time to talk, Rocco.
It wasn't our fault, Mr. Hannigan.
I hear you.
What do you want from us?
Is this your first time being held at gunpoint?
Leave them alone.
And where the hell are we?
If it hadn't been for this highly-detailed
topographical map,
I mean, we wouldn't have got here for at least another week.
Look at this thing.
Yeah, it said to make a left at the shagbark hickory.
- It was oddly specific. - Fuck it.
Hey, Jesus, guys, turn the fuckin' lights off.
Jeez!
Hey, Ruthie.
That was a really good ziti yesterday.
Oh, my God.
Are we all gonna die?
You gotta calm down, Mom.
Oh, my God, please.
- Oh, come on, this is my baby. - You need to--
Please, I mean, this is all I have.
You need to take a deep breath, Ruth.
Tell him not to hurt Rocco.
Please.
You know, I almost wasn't gonna come out here.
You get older, can't help but be more selective
about the time you have left.
Then why are you here?
Because I selectively decided
that some people are gonna die over this.
Oh, my God.
I swear to God, I'm sorry.
Leftie, I-- you know?
Well, of course you are.
But you got no idea what it's like to lose a son.
Feels like you've been erased.
The propagation of the species.
Well, there you go.
This kid gets it.
I'm talkin' cock and balls and eggs, kid.
A man wants to live forever.
There's only one way that he can do it.
He's gotta have a son.
Leftie, you know Johnnie wouldn't have just attacked her.
You know there was a reason.
So, what you're sayin' is that it's my fault?
Oh, right.
Uh, my memory's a bit wonky.
So, yeah, maybe, uh, sure, there's a chance
that I played a small part in this.
Hey.
Hey, Pop.
Well, you're not touching your ice cream.
I got caramel.
I got, uh, Jimmy's.
Nah. Thanks, Pop.
I got walnuts.
I know you like walnuts.
Everybody does.
I'm good, Pop. Thanks.
Are you in trouble?
No, it's nothing like that, Pops.
It's okay, Johnnie.
Yeah, you got my undivided attention.
Um...
Remember, uh, Marina, uh, girl I was with?
It's hard to keep track of your girls.
Help me out.
Italian gal.
Nurse.
Real cute accent.
Nice.
Sure.
So, what of it?
Uh...
So, uh, I dumped her a year ago.
She wanted, uh, kids.
Italian women are like that.
Yeah.
I wanted a baby, too.
Well, that's wonderful news.
You both wanted a baby.
It's good, right?
Yeah, except, uh,...
...I-- I, um, I couldn't get her pregnant.
Well, you gotta keep tryin'.
I mean, that can't be such hard work.
- Come on. - Yeah.
Volunteer, will ya?
Yeah.
I, uh...
I can't have children.
So, uh...
Yeah, sorry.
I-- I-- I-- I, you know...
Fuckin' processed foods or somethin'?
I don't know.
I mean,...
...say somethin', Pop.
What is it? Like a homo thing or somethin'?
No.
Fuck, Pop.
It's not a homo thing.
Okay?
I like women.
I don't know.
You're telling me you got that Italian girl
and you can't get her harder?
No, I get hard as a fucking pool cue.
It aint-- that's not what it's about, Pop.
My-- my fuckin' sperm don't work.
Blanks, Pop.
I'm shootin' fuckin' blanks.
So, what?
Is it time for you to start to suck a dick?
I mean, what-- what is the point of having balls if you're--
If you're gonna be a man?
How the fuck are you gonna say that to me?
I come to you.
I'm your fucking son.
Johnnie, you're-- you're the one that can't get a hard on.
You're makin' me an asshole?
I'm the asshole now?
You're ripping my heart out.
You're telling me that you are gonna be the end
of my family's name?
Get the fuck out of my house.
So, I get the news that Rocco has
killed my only son.
And that the last conversation that we had together,
which was the lowest point of our entire relationship...
And now you got me goin' again.
Lonnie, take this piece of shit outside
and see if maybe three wrongs might make a right.
Okay.
No, Rocco, no.
It's okay.
No, wait.
We'll have Vin decide who goes first.
Well, let's go with me.
But I want you doin' it.
Not yet.
Here, I'll make it easier for you.
As there as I can see, you got one wife too many.
Wait!
Don't let me choose.
I'll choose 'em both.
Stop.
All right.
I'm sorry, Ruth.
What?
Oh, come on, really?
What?
Wait a minute.
Lonnie, Ruthie's first. Come on.
Yeah, couldn't you have just, like, stretched it out a bit?
Let's go, lady. Come on.
- Jesus. - No, no, no, no.
Ma, you're not going.
Your father made his choice.
- Please. - Rocco!
Show him the respect he deserves.
Please.
Well, what if...
Well, what if we-- all right?
You know, I, uh...
I mean, I get-- you know, if I'm already dead,
can I get at least, like, you know,
you know, say somethin'?
Just, you know, just a little somethin',
you know, just if it all sounds the same,
just...
Be my guest.
Um, all right.
Well, I just...
Um, I just wanted you so--
Leftie, I mean, I hope you remember this,
but you know, when you and I dated...
Oh, God.
You were just, you know, you were very, very kind to me
and very courteous.
Yeah. Yeah.
But you know what?
But, you know, it's just, I had a father,
and, uh, he treated his girls like shit.
And, um, it made me love him more.
And then, I know it sounds complicated,
He made me love him more.
And then it made me drawn to men that treat me like shit.
You know?
And then that's where Vin comes in, you know?
Because he-- he was like that.
He would look me in the eye.
And then all of a sudden, I became that little girl,
you know, that little girl in my living room, you know,
like, trying to please, you know, her old man,
you know, trying to, like, do anything, and trying to,
you know, just do anything, just like you make him
We don't have all night, Ruthie!
Well, I just want you to know that, like, all
of this horrible shit, you know, it just really needs
to stop when that baby shows up, okay?
Okay.
Okay, Ruth.
And...
Well...
He's not who you think he is.
He'll ruin you.
Okay. Let's go.
Wow.
Come on.
All right.
Fuckin' three hours with this story.
- Bye, Ruthie. - It's nice. Come on.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry about your childhood, too.
Oh, jeez.
Okay, come on. I'm sorry.
I'm...
I just wanted to tell you one thing.
Jeez.
This way.
Right over here is...
Where?
Fine.
Right.
Yeah.
Oh. Yeah.
Hey, do you have a smoke?
Yeah.
Hey, um...
I'm only gonna say this to you, 'cause, uh,
I think you're really a nice lady,
and you cooked me, like,
the best ziti I've ever fuckin' had in my life.
Ah.
But if you miss me with that knife,
I'm probably gonna get very mad
and have to make you suffer for it.
Oh.
Or...
...you could get lucky.
You know, one thing I've never been is lucky.
Sorry.
Oh, my God.
All right, well, you--
You know what?
I'm gonna...
I'm just gonna have some happy thoughts right now.
You know?
Just in case, you know?
Oh!
You're gonna die here tonight.
Leftie, you know that?
Well, not without taking your son with me.
That's for damn sure.
Hey.
How'd she go?
Good, I guess.
Did she ever shut up?
No.
I didn't think so.
Rocco, I always liked you.
You always respected me.
But you killed my Johnnie,
so you gotta answer for that.
Listen to me, Leftie.
It's all right, pop.
It's all right.
Oh, Leftie, uh, if I may?
Yeah.
Uh, you know,
I don't mean to overstep or anything,
but, um, I was wonderin' if I could, you know,
take my time with Rocco.
Because, you know, me and Rocco kinda got really close.
I would, uh, you know, confide in him
about my depression.
And, uh, I told him, and it was nice.
He was nice to me about it.
You know, because I don't really have
family of my own.
But then-- then about a year ago,
there was this Chinese food incident at the restaurant
where they put pubes in my wonton soup.
And I told Rocco, and he fuckin' told everybody.
And then I was back to, you know, sleepin'
and bein' depressed.
So if you don't mind, um, if it's okay,
I would just really like to torture him a little bit,
if it's okay.
I just...
Shouldn't have done that, Rocco.
Yeah, knock yourself out.
Thank you.
All right, Rocco.
Take care of our baby, okay?
All right?
Oh, baby.
You're gonna be such a good mom.
I love you.
Oh, come on, lover boy.
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Keep the line moving.
Let's go.
Thank you.
I'm sorry,
but you think this day could get any worse?
No!
Whoa.
20 years ago, you'd already had me cut up
on the floor.
Now you got my-- my heart beatin' like a drum.
Who's this?
Hey.
Is this the new wife?
You know, everybody thinks I'm slow.
I'm not.
I pay attention--
Fuck!
Sandy.
My-- my name is Sandy.
Sandy.
Hey, Sandy.
And who is this?
DJ.
Walk away.
You got what you came for.
DJ?
You got what you came for, Leftie.
Vince, I'm not even sure what I came
for anymore.
Your father ever tell you where he came from
or how we two know each other?
This has nothing to do with them.
Did I tell you you could stand up?
Did I tell you you could stand?
What are you gonna do?
Shoot me?
Vincent.
He ever tell you?
Well, you two aren't the most curious
people in the world, are you?
Well, once upon a time, your father
and I had a little business together.
We did work for fine families out of New York
and Chicago.
And we made very good money
killing people is what, uh, I guess what you'd call it.
Until one fine day, Vince here,
decides he wants to wash his hands of me.
And he gives me a giant bag of money.
Except, it's not too long later, out of the blue, he calls me
and says, "Hey, will I drive up here
to the great white north and help him out
of a mess he's gotten into?
We gotta disappear a guy."
That's fucking enough.
No, I say when is enough.
I say when.
Now, who was the guy we did?
Black guy.
Big, kinda big.
Mustache.
We made it look like a car accident.
I think we had ended up spendin' the night
in a gas station bathroom.
That's where we had to sleep.
A car accident?
And damned if that guy...
...wasn't a dead ringer for DJ here.
He was with some broad.
Bye, Laurence.
Bye.
I wanted to scare him.
Nice night, huh?
Who the hell are you?
I barely even hit him.
Friend of Sandy's.
You and me gonna have a little clarification session.
Come on.
I didn't hit you that hard.
Shit.
You murdered Laurence?
Yeah, I killed him.
He was a cheat.
A liar.
He didn't deserve you.
I spent half my life thinking that you were
a decent, fucking man.
I am a decent man.
You know, once you start killing,
it sort of becomes your de facto solution
for every problem.
It was a fucking accident!
All right?
I wanted to scare him.
I barely even hit the motherfucker!
You killed him.
You killed DJ's dad.
My whole life was a lie.
No, it wasn't, DJ.
Oh, it could have been so much worse.
How?
No, you're right.
It couldn't possibly have been any worse.
I don't-- I don't even know who you are anymore.
DJ.
Babe, baby.
I mean, I don't-- I don't even know who I am.
Sure you do.
You're the kid whose, uh, father was murdered
by this piece of shit over here.
Remember?
All right, hang on, little fella.
Uncle Leftie's got a way to make all the pain go away.
Here.
Grab it.
All right.
Let me sweeten the pot.
Okay.
You just shoot Vinnie.
And I'll let your mother walk.
That's not bad, huh?
You're not gonna get a better offer.
No.
All right, make the good choice.
Take the gun.
You gotta settle this score, son.
I have your word you won't hurt Sandy or DJ?
What are you doin'?
On Johnnie's soul.
No.
Take the gun, DJ.
No.
Take it from his hand.
Take the fucking gun.
Don't-- don't.
Take the gun.
Go ahead.
No, I'm not-- I'm not doing that.
DJ, just do it.
- No, I can't! - Take the gun!
- No! - Take it!
No!
Oh!
This is what you want, hmm?
Okay, now.
Hmm? This is what you want me to do?
Go ahead, son.
Save your mother.
But close your eyes.
You're gonna get blowback.
Save your mother.
Yeah, maybe I should.
Yeah.
Huh?
Pull the trigger.
All right, come on.
DJ!
Pull the trigger!
No!
Good boy. Good boy.
All right, hey, let's turn...
Oh, God.
It's gonna be okay.
Rocco!
He's coming! He's got a gun!
No!
Rocco.
Fuck.
We should call an ambulance.
No ambulance!
Rocco, you okay?
I'm gonna be all right.
You're gonna be all right.
I'm gonna be okay.
All right. You're gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay.
What are you doin'?
Laurence loved me.
Put the gun down, Sandy.
Mom?
Put the gun down.
He was the one, Vincent.
Mom, what are you doing?
He was the one.
Mom!
I was the one.
I've been thinkin' a lot about what family is.
Is it blood?
Because people who share blood treat each other like shit
all the time.
Maybe it's a choice.
Either way, it's amazing what family
is willing to do for each other.
Am I dead?
Can't talk. No.
Dad!
- DJ. - Dad.
Hey.
How long have I been down?
Uh, a few weeks.
Whoa!
Okay, jeez.
- Okay? - Yeah.
- You got it? - Yeah, I got it.
I'm okay.
You're healing well.
Considering...
Yeah.
You're back.
Pop?
Whoa.
Meet Rocco Junior.
Oh.
Yeah.
Hey, buddy.
Hi.
Let me get your head on the...
Oh, my!
Yeah.
♪ My parents split up in the first grade ♪
♪ My father never did come back ♪
♪ My sister liked John Travolta ♪
♪ But I wanted Billy Jack ♪
♪ Throwing things off of the rooftops ♪
♪ 40 buildings all the same ♪
♪ My mother took a job as a waitress ♪
♪ Swimming in the diva sage ♪
♪ When you're all alone, when you're all alone ♪
♪ When you're all alone, you're almost grown ♪
♪ Me and Holly snuck into nightclubs ♪
♪ The politics of punk rock church ♪
♪ We were so idealistic, but somehow only saw the worst ♪
♪ When you're young and violent, sick and silent ♪
♪ Hoping just to be admired,
♪ Water seeks its level of pain ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ And you're all alone, you're almost grown ♪
♪ Some old friends retired, too ♪
♪ But they still laugh about me and you ♪
♪ My mother's ashes went in the ocean ♪
♪ Scattered on a windy day ♪
♪ She used to like Frank Sinatra ♪
♪ Cigarettes and JFK ♪
♪ Some retired, some expired ♪
♪ Some were meant to be admired
♪ For a moment at a young age ♪
♪ But I don't care what they say ♪
♪ Others went and got away ♪
♪ I just want to see you again ♪
♪ When you're all alone ♪
♪ And you're almost grown ♪
♪ When you're all alone, when you're all alone ♪
♪ When you're all alone ♪
♪ Almost grown ♪
♪ When you're all alone and your heart is stone ♪