[music playing]
[audio logo]
[panting]
[growling]
Ha!
[growl]
He's alive.
My creation is alive.
Fuck you, God!
So everything's fine.
Everything's fine.
[growl]
[gunshots]
[growling]
[crash]
[SINGING] Come on.
Call my girls.
Set the time.
We're going to party tonight.
Tonight.
It's been a long day damn week, but the end's almost in sight.
In sight.
Now's the time to dance.
Friday night is a chance to let go of your stress,
catch a slide in your best slip dress.
J-U-I-C-Y, never like to juice, tone it up, get loose,
dancing all night with you.
Say, J-U-I-C-Y, never like to juice, tone it up, get loose.
[Unintelligible]
We don't do that.
We're just dancers.
Oh, shit, yeah.
So just Angel, then.
We don't do that.
What's the fucking point?
[knock on the door]
Fuck.
Now, girls, when I come back, the minimum I expect to see
is a little bit of titty, yeah?
If there's no titty, no tip.
Trust me, I'm a top tipper.
♪ [SINGING] Friday night is your chance, ♪
♪ to let go of your stress, now just ♪
♪ slide in your best slip dress. ♪
♪ J-U-I-C-Y, never like to juice, tone it up, get loose, ♪
♪ dancing all night with you.
You're handsome.
Are you here to join the party, are you?
[screams]
Ahhh!
I'm not fighting for anything anymore, except myself.
Now go ahead and shoot.
You'll be doing me a favor.
Ha.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
I know it's wrong.
But God damn it, I don't care, Diane.
I love you.
Well, if you love me, why did you leave me?
I thought I would never see you again.
Do you still love me, Diane?
I do love you, Jake.
Well, then kiss me, God damn it.
I love you.
[screaming]
I love you!
[screaming] Stop!
I love you!
[screaming]
Ah!
I loved you.
I love you.
[toilet flushed]
I love you.
Monster.
Monster!
You know, a lot of people ponder the--
the meaning of life.
I think I got it figured it out.
The meaning of life?
Yeah.
You've got it figured out?
I've sorted it.
Enlighten me.
No need to fucking patronize me.
Who's patronizing?
Maybe it's antagonizing then.
I don't know the difference.
Well, I wasn't doing either.
I'm simply inquiring what you, Michael McCool had concluded
the meaning of life was.
The meaning of life is to be remembered forever,
like Alexander the Great, to do something so special, so
meaningful with your life, that you're remembered
for eternity, for thousands of years,
by your fellow man after your death.
[growl]
Whoa!
Fuck this.
Aah!
Amazing.
Are those Jammie Dodgers?
Yeah, double stuffed.
My favorite.
Sorry, hello.
Hi.
Don't you think you should be focusing
on finding our mate's murderer rather than
talking about fucking biscuits?
Leave him alone.
He didn't say anything.
Fucking brown-nosing little bitch.
Oh, you like a double-stuffed biscuit, officer?
Fuck the police.
ACAB.
Excuse me.
You're excused.
What does ACAB mean?
All Cops Are Bastards.
Charming.
Would you prefer to do this down at the station, Michael?
He's fine here. Thank you.
Shut up, Elizabeth.
He can speak for himself, thank you.
Go on, Michael.
He was my best friend.
We were like brothers.
Fuck off.
He was not like your brother.
You didn't even like him.
He barely liked you to be honest.
He only hung out with us because he wanted to bang Antigone,
I'm sure.
Brothers, my asshole.
Fuck you.
I loved Mark. And Mark loved me.
You think Mark liked me?
- Yeah. - I always thought he was into you.
Shame, he was fit.
Can you remember what the man looked like?
Well, now that you've asked, it is coming to me.
The first thing I remember is he was
ugly, hideously and monstrously ugly,
about 6 and 1/2 foot tall.
And his shoulders were as wide as a silverback gorilla's,
right?
And-- and-- and his eyes were wild and wide, like a wolf.
And-- and his teeth were sharp and pointed.
I still remember little--
little wedges of Mark's flesh in between them as he
gnawed through his nut sack.
No, officers.
That weren't no man.
That was a monster, a real-life monster.
That was so fucking cringe.
You've had a traumatic 48 hours.
I think it's best that we left you alone to rest for now.
Ah, good thinking.
Come on.
Even [inaudible].
Have another biscuit before you leave.
That would be great.
Thank you.
Thank you for keeping us safe.
You are so fucking pathetic.
It is unreal.
You two, get out.
We'll be in touch.
[growling]
[woman screams]
Aah!
[screaming]
There is no more sincere love than the love of living.
[screaming]
Oh, babe.
You OK?
Babe, give him some space.
Come on.
He needs a hug, not space.
He just saw his friend get eaten.
More like casual acquaintances, really.
You know what I mean?
So Michael, what really happened?
What was it?
Who was it?
Where was it?
Come on. I know you didn't want to talk in front of the five-o.
Well, I don't know who it was or why it wanted to eat Mark.
But I do know I'm going to find this yolk.
I'm going to kill it like a fucking hero.
What the fuck are you talking about?
You talk way too much.
Rein it in.
A monster.
Heinously ugly, eyes wide and wild like a tiger,
shoulders as wide as an outstretched American Eagle,
seven foot tall now, teeth sharp and pointed,
thick purple veins bursting out of its rhinoceros-like skin,
fur all over him like a fucking bear,
burns and stitches covering his face,
like he just come out of some sort of horrific accident.
So now we're going to hunt down and kill him.
I heard of this monster.
How?
At the time, I remember thinking it was
just the ramblings of a drunk.
But to hear the tale told again--
Who and where?
At the Barking Smack pub in Great Yarmouth.
He was wearing the eye patch, a foreigner in our area.
What's his name?
Hercules.
Move.
How are you doing, man?
We are looking for Hercules.
We were told we might find him here.
What?
Sorry.
Come.
Hello, mate or Hercules, or should I say, Mr Hercules or--
Hercules is just fine.
And you don't know me.
But we have a mutual friend.
That's nice.
Well, he thinks that you might know
a thing or two about the monster that's terrorizing the town.
That ain't no monster.
That's Adam the Abomination.
Oh, well, you have my full and unbridled attention.
Oh, God.
Adam the Abomination was once just plain old Adam Dempsey,
an innocent young prizefighter who fell
in love with the wrong woman.
Yeah, we've all been there, man.
Stop making everything about you.
Adam fell in love with one of the wicked witches
of Waxham, Wanda White.
[laughing]
Ah, ah, no!
No, please.
Listen, please.
Please, no more.
There is no love without pain.
There is no light without dark.
And there is no heaven without hell.
Our eyes awake will be forever fallen.
[laughter]
No!
[smacking]
Oh, shit.
Is he still breathing?
Oh, fuck, not again.
What'd you have to choke him so hard?
Well, you told me to pull it hard.
I told you to pull it hard.
I didn't tell you to choke the bastard to death.
Wait a minute.
Wait just a minute.
My wicked sisters, here's a thought.
From every misfortune, there is a fortune to be made.
And I know just the man who will pay
a fortune for this fast-living young man's beautiful corpse.
Right.
So just so we're clear, this is utter bullshit.
Shut up, Elizabeth.
They sold his body to Archimedes the Alchemist.
So-- so-- so who's Archimedes?
And what did he want with Adam's dead body?
The Alchemist was a brilliant scientist,
respected and celebrated by all for his groundbreaking research
and thanatology.
Using a combination of science, alchemy,
pseudoscience, and black magic, Archimedes
raised Adam from the grave.
Only what his formulas did not equate
was for Adam's unquenchable thirst for human blood.
It acts almost as a daily blood transfusion,
providing him with the fresh red blood
cells his resurrected body fails to naturally produce.
Human blood still beating is what keeps Adam alive.
Like-- like Dracula.
All myths stem from the truth.
All bullshit stems from your mouth.
How do you know all this?
I was hired to hunt down Adam the Abomination
and assassinate him.
You're an assassin.
At your service.
I mean, honey, you're not a very good assassin, are you?
Seeing as you may, Adam's still running
around munching on people.
I tracked him for days.
And finally, I had him in my sights.
Just when he was about to tuck into some Tunisian tourists
in Turf, I looked at the abomination in his eyes
and saw deep into his dark and black empty soul.
He looked back at me and saw a man with no fear.
That old chestnut.
I slowly removed my revolver, pull back the hammer,
and pointed it at the creature.
Adam just looked at me and laughed.
Oh, fuck.
He's bulletproof.
I made a decision that lost me my left eye,
but a decision that only an alpha male would decide.
I tossed my gun in the sand, rolled up my sleeves,
and went toe to toe with that demonic son of a bitch.
♪ Retro video game music
[growling]
[screaming]
You fight with honor.
- What? - I've never heard such bullshit in my whole entire life.
You fight with honor.
What? Now the monster's a ninja from a martial arts movie?
I mean, what was that bit about the wicked witches of Waxham?
You should write a book, mate.
I know that bit's true.
Oh, yeah?, How's that?
Well, my mom's one of the wicked witches of Waxham.
We can ask her where the lab is.
If we find the lab, we find Adam the Abomination.
Oh, we find Adam the Abomination,
I kill them and become a legend forever.
Hold on.
Back up.
Since when is your mom a witch?
My mom's always been a witch, well, as long
as I've known her anyway.
Did you know about this?
I've heard a rumor, yeah.
You three be careful.
The power of the resurrection has
made Adam stronger than any beast I've ever
had to go skin to skin with.
And I've just about fought them all.
Sorry, are you still talking?
To the witches of Waxham's worship for the wicked.
Woo! Come on!
Another murder, Sarge?
I think it's the monster.
Keep your voice down, Constable Romeo.
The last thing we need is the inspector to hear
you talking about werewolves.
Apologies, Sergeant Popeye.
Anyone asks, you tell them we're following
up lots of potential leads.
But we don't have any leads apart from Michael
McCool and his monster.
No one needs to know that now, do they, Constable?
Oh, I see what you mean.
Good.
You want me to lie, Sarge.
[inaudible]
[screaming]
Fuck off.
Oh, Adam, come home to daddy.
God.
I need you to come home.
It's not safe out there.
Please come home.
Adam, come home!
I miss you, son!
And I won't hurt you.
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
You don't belong out there.
Come home to your family.
Sonny, please.
It's scary out there.
Right, Uncle Steve?
I'm not wearing any pants.
[laughter]
I swear to God, if I get chopped up,
I'm killing both of you.
Don't you worry.
I'll protect you.
Get your hands off me or I'll kill everybody you love.
Antigone, how are you?
I'm good, thank you.
Oh, I've missed you, belle.
What you been up to?
Not much, just job hunting.
How's that coming?
Oh, I had an interview at a marketing company
for an admin role.
Things went well, I think.
Yeah?
Yeah, and I sent my CV to loads of places.
So just waiting on some answers, really.
Fingers crossed.
It's not what I really want to do, though.
What you really want to be doing?
What I really want to do is act.
Yes, they all remember, even--
even when you were no bigger than my club,
you was always a natural little performer.
It's my passion.
Yeah, well, you got such a talent there, kiddo.
Be a crime to give up on your dreams.
What exactly is going on here?
Sorry, rude of me.
This is my uncle Typhon.
He's not really my uncle.
But I've known him all my life.
So he might as well be.
Nice to meet you, mate.
[growl]
Uncle Typhon, he's a friend.
Boys.
There's something weird about him.
Tell him you're only messing about.
You sure?
Seems like a good opportunity to ditch him.
Stop it.
All right, being as it's you asking.
I was only messing about.
Come on.
I won't grind your bones to make my bread.
Tell him you're harmless.
I'm not harmless.
I'm actually quite ferocious.
Just tell him you're harmless, for Gods sake.
All right.
It's all right.
I'm harmless.
I promise I'm harmless.
I was crossing me fingers.
ANTIGONE: Oh, he can hear you.
I come in peace, man.
You shit yourself.
Oh, fuck you.
Look at the size of the man.
You're worried about him.
How are you going to take on a monster?
That's different.
Is it?
What monster?
Adam the Abomination.
We don't say that name around here, Antigone.
Go on.
You best speak to your mother.
See you.
Just so you know, I'm not really harmless.
Yeah, and I wasn't really scared.
So don't go around telling anyone that Typhon's harmless,
or I will come after you, boy.
ANTIGONE: Uncle Typhon, behave.
OK, I won't bother your fella.
Oh, reach deep down into your soul
and enjoy the experience into the nucleus of mind.
Most people are overcome by fear.
And many run away.
It's not like he can go anywhere.
[laughter]
The experience of fear can be an adventure for the spirit.
Overcome the fear of death, and you'll
unlock the hidden portals of your mind.
Darren, I want to tell you a story, one of my favorites.
This is a story about an angel, a beautiful angel
who fell in love--
With a mortal woman.
The angel fell in love with Eve.
The first mortal woman.
Who was married to the first man, Adam.
And the beautiful angel fell in love with Eve.
A forbidden love.
A love that angered the father of the angel, a love that
was so profound that risking the fate of humanity
seemed worth it.
You see, the angel, he wanted to start his own kingdom with Eve,
his queen.
And Eve was tempted into a great love
affair with the angel.
An affair that spawned two sons.
Cain and Abel.
Their love was so strong and the affair
was so passionate that it was buried
under myths for centuries.
Until now.
Do you want to know the name of that angel, Aaron?
Hey.
Do you want to know his fucking name?
His name was Lucifer, Aaron.
The angel.
The most beautiful angel.
And now we sacrifice your measly body
to God's most beautiful angel, his first true creation.
[door opens]
Hello, Antigone.
How lovely to see you.
Hi, mom.
I come at a bad time?
No, no, no, no, no.
We were giving him a good fright.
He's fine.
Oh, hiya, love.
Oh, you get older and older every time I see you.
And more beautiful.
Of course, more beautiful.
So what can I do for you, my dear?
We wanted to ask about Adam the Abomination.
We don't say his name in here.
We never say that name, full stop.
What do you know about Adam?
We know you killed him.
Cool, he's handsome.
Is that your fellow, Antigone?
I would.
Me too.
[laughter]
How about it, stud?
You ever dance with a devil by the pale moonlight?
Well, I do prefer just regular sex.
Oh.
Missionary or doggy style.
Girl on top feels a bit emasculating.
And I'm not into the whole asphyxia thing, either.
Kind of scares me a bit, and for good reason,
by the sounds of it.
Look how it ended for, well, your mate, Adam.
I told you we don't say that name in here.
I thought you meant don't say the full name.
I thought just Adam would be fine.
Hey, it's borderline.
Watch it.
Just tell us where we can find Archimedes the Alchemist's
lab.
And I suppose I'll do the rest.
[WHISPERING] Let's get him to sell his soul to Satan.
[gasp]
[WHISPERING] Let's get him to sell his soul to Satan.
We'll tell you where to find the lab under one condition.
What?
Weird sex?
No, sell your soul to Satan.
Oh, fuck that.
Don't be a chicken shit, Michael.
The whole weirdo black magic shit freaks me the fuck out.
Come on.
It's bullshit.
It's just Antigone's weirdo hippie mom.
No offense.
None taken.
You don't really think that these lot have got the power
to sell your soul to Satan.
Well, if you're so brave, why don't you sell your soul, huh?
Because it was your idea to go looking for the monster.
Why should I?
Are you going to make me do this?
Yeah.
Would it hurt?
You won't feel a thing.
It's just a bit of a laugh.
Don't take it so seriously.
And you promise to give me the address to the alchemist's lab,
then.
We'll even draw you a map.
A post code and a door number would do.
OK, but first, sell your soul to Satan.
Do it.
Yeah, do it.
Yeah, fine.
Fuck it.
[laughter]
MICHAEL: You can have my soul.
I remember selling my soul to him as if it were yesterday.
Oh, sisters, sisters, to the soul-selling seller.
[laughter]
This is so embarrassing.
Yes, right.
To the seller.
So in your experience, how long
do these things usually take?
I'm fucking starving.
Shouldn't be too long.
[clears throat]
We, the Influential Lucifer enter into a covenant pact
with Michael, who will soon be ours.
And him we do promise the love of women,
the flower of virgins, the respect of monarchs,
honors, lusts, and powers.
He will go whoring.
Three days long, the carousel shall be dear to him.
That doesn't sound too bad, to be fair.
No, not bad at all.
Once a year, he offers us a seal of his blood.
Under the feet, he will trample the Holy things of the Church.
And he will ask of us many questions,
maybe make a few demands.
And he will live happy on this Earth of man for 20 years.
And then later, he will join us to sin against God.
Bound in hell in the Council of Demons.
Lucifer.
Beelzebub.
Satan.
Astaroth.
Leviathan.
[inaudible].
Michael, give me your hand, Michael.
Come on, right over the paper, dear.
[laughter]
How do you feel?
A bit horny, if I'm honest.
[laughter]
Bye, Uncle Typhon.
Goodbye, Antigone.
It's lovely to see you again.
Oh, you too.
Keep chasing those dreams, kiddo.
Nice to meet you, man.
You know what?
You're actually very brave.
What do you mean?
Oh, you would never catch me selling my soul to Satan.
Fuck that.
What happened to it being bullshit?
I mean--
I've just done a poo.
Bye, Uncle Steve.
You need to chat to your uncle.
I mean, I was kind of just bored.
I wanted to see what would happen,
if you would actually do it.
You're such a fucking idiot.
Antigone, does this mean I'm going to hell then?
I wouldn't worry about it, babe.
Look, let me get us an Uber, huh?
You sold your soul to Satan.
It's the least I can do.
- Cheers, Liz. I owe you one. - [laughter]
[laughter]
I'm having a great time.
Get in there.
Enough for me.
Get out of there.
Go on.
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.
Oh, what fun it is the ride on one of Santa's sleigh.
Jingle bells, jingle bells.
Ah!
- Come, let's say hi to Dave. - Oh, not that fucking Muppet.
Elizabeth.
Christ, yeah.
At least he reminds me how good looking I am.
Did you really just say that?
Hello, Michael, Elizabeth.
Good evening, Antigone.
Oh, good evening, Dave.
So what are what are you three up to then?
We are on the hunt for a ridiculously ugly monster that
killed my best friend Mark.
Did you know Mark?
Uh, no.
I don't think so.
Well, lovely guy, or at least he was, the poor fuck.
So what I'm going to do is I'm going to avenge him
by caving in that monstrous skull with a bat in hopes
of immortal acceptance.
The fuck?
What are you up to anyway?
You know, just working.
You can come with us if you like.
Uh, for fuck's sake, no.
What?
I'd better not.
But Gordon will be back soon, and he'll
want me to have these brakes done by end of day.
OK, come on.
Let's go before Antigone starts inviting
the fucking bin men too.
Don't be so rude.
Yeah, rude as she is, she's got a point.
Less talky, more walky.
See you, man.
Hi.
Mind how you go.
Bye, Antigone.
Fucking rude bitch.
I don't want to go on an adventure with you lot anyway.
Aye, I've got me own friends, thank you very much.
Invite the bin man, aye, I'd much rather
go on an adventure with them any day of the week than you lots.
Moody hateful slag.
This is it.
Whoa. Whoa.
I'm not claiming that fence, so, yeah.
These shoes are expensive, love.
Where's your sense of adventure, huh?
After you then.
Fine.
Michael.
Get down here now.
Elizabeth, Antigone, stay right there.
Hello again.
Hi.
Nice to see you.
Not this old shit again.
Are you going to tell me what you're doing.
We're not doing nothing.
We're just on an adventure. [growling]
I'll tell you what it is that I'm doing.
I am out here doing what you should be doing.
I am out here trying to find the monster
that killed my best friend.
Was he your best friend, babe?
Or kind of--
If you have any information that you are withholding,
I'll warn you, withholding information
from the police about a murder is a very serious crime.
Now, is there anything you want to tell me?
I'm not telling you nothing, copper.
No.
Whoa.
Get your fucking hands off me.
You told me everything you know.
I'll wring your neck, you little pikey.
Ey, you can't do that!
Get your hands off him.
Uh, Sergeant, does seem a little excessive.
Fucking excessive.
Get off him.
[growling]
♪ Music starts
Oh, wait, Mother Rae.
Wait for me!
[screaming]
You all right, Sergeant?
Who saw that?
That's mad.
I just saved his life.
I just saved your fucking life.
Oh, that's Alexander the Great shit right there.
That's legendary shit.
That's the kind of shit that gets
you remembered for 1,000 years.
Come on.
I should charge you with possession of a deadly weapon.
Oh, no.
That wasn't mine, officer.
I found it on the street, I swear.
Antigone, tell him.
Yeah, look, just don't say anything until you've
got legal representation, OK?
What was that thing?
So that thing was Adam the Abomination,
created by Archimedes the Alchemist,
or as I like to call him, the monster.
That was no abomination.
And that was no monster.
There was a man, plain and simple.
I don't know, Sarge.
I've never seen a man look like that before.
We have a map.
Shut the fuck up, Antigone.
What map?
Show me now.
You're a fucking snitch, Antigone.
Sorry.
I didn't realize it was a secret.
My mom's a witch, you see.
And her and her witch friends, who I call my aunts.
They're not really my aunts.
Anyway, the wicked witches gave us a map
in exchange for Michael's soul.
Witches, you say.
Yeah.
Gave you it for Michael's soul.
Soul, yeah.
I see.
It's a magical map, officer.
I can show you if you like.
A magical map, Sergeant Popeye.
Magical map, yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
You three, home now.
And don't leave the country.
I'll be ready to take statements from you all in the morning.
Yes, sir.
Come on.
Fuck, that was mad.
[growling]
Don't be frightened.
May I ask your name, sir?
My name is Adam.
Adam.
I would like to pray for you.
Is that OK?
Why are you not frightened of me?
Why would I be frightened of you, Adam?
My hideous scars.
It's a benefit of being virtually blind.
I couldn't judge a book by its cover,
even if I was that shallow, which fortunately, I'm not,
by the way.
But I'm dangerous.
I'm a monster.
To be a monster and not do monstrous things,
it's virtuous.
Pray with me, Adam.
Dear good and gracious God, I thank
you, Lord, for helping find a new friend
in need of warmth and shelter.
I left my new friend to you today.
Please be with him in his injuries,
both the mental and the physical.
God, be the strength in his weakness, the hope
in his doubt, the comfort in his strength.
I ask that you act in his life today.
Encourage him and heal him, Lord.
Ey!
[gunshot]
Get away from my daughter and fear.
If we are going to stop this monster, whatever it is,
we're going to need more than sporting equipment.
We need a gun, a big motherfucking gun.
Guns are illegal.
So is chasing monsters, Mary Poppins.
And where are we going to get this big motherfucking
gun then, huh, Bonnie fucking Parker?
I know loads of people, Clyde Barrow.
Oh, great.
So if you two are Bonnie and Clyde, what does that make me?
Fucking third-world gooseberry again.
Again.
Ah, relax.
That young copper lad who's all over you.
You'll probably end up with him in the end, just like--
well, just like me and Elizabeth will probably end up together.
I told you I will never fuck you,
even if my life depended on it.
But you just called us Bonnie and Clyde.
You called me Bonnie Parker.
But you called me Clyde fucking Barrow.
[inaudible].
Or were you just bullshitting?
I don't bullshit, yeah, unlike some people.
I don't bullshit.
How do you know where we're going to get a gun?
I know loads of people.
Yeah.
Name one.
Anastasia Ivanov.
Who the fuck is Anastasia Ivanov?
Russian mob.
Russian mob, very convenient.
And how do you know a Russian mobster?
We used to date.
You're a lesbian?
Oh, it all makes sense now.
No wonder you didn't want to fuck me.
First of all, I'm not a lesbian.
And second of all, I would still never fuck you, even
if I was a dirty whore on the game,
desperate for my next fix, and you turned up
and you were a millionaire, never.
Look, I went for a bad breakup.
And I was just experimenting with my sexuality.
Oh, God, that's hot.
Michael.
Well, it is.
Look, Anastasia is sexy and powerful and rich.
She really knows how to treat a woman, you know?
Unlike most men, in fact.
Whatever you're thinking, stop it.
Nostrovia.
Cheers.
Elizabeth.
Mm-hmm.
It baffles me how somebody so exquisite is still single.
Maybe I expect too much from my partners.
Maybe my standards are too high.
I don't know.
Somebody as beautiful as you both on the inside and outside
has every right to be picky.
Yeah.
I am hypnotized by your aura.
I don't know what to say.
I have a small house around the corner
within walking distance.
But we've not even seen the dessert menu yet.
You are so beautiful.
Let's get out of here.
Should we get the bill?
I'm happy to go dutch.
Don't worry, baby.
Jeez.
How many houses do you clean?
Come with me.
Let's go.
So before we go any further, I've just got
a confession I need to make.
Are you with those two?
What two?
What?
No, of course not.
Well then what do you have to confess?
Well, it's a little embarrassing because you know
we had such a lovely dinner.
And I don't want you to be put off me at all
because I really like you.
Spit it out.
Well, I've never been with a woman before.
Who sent you?
I think you should relax, honey.
My friend and I are just taking an evening
stroll around Great Yarmouth.
But your rudeness is really ruining my evening.
Who fucking sent you?
You know what they say about rudeness, don't you?
What do they say about rudeness?
Stay out of this, Elizabeth.
This does not concern you.
Well, you see, they say rudeness is a weak person's
imitation of strength.
[gunfire]
What the fuck?
Only a killer reacts so calmly with a loaded gun
pointed at his head.
That's the most crazy fucked-up first date
story I've heard a few weeks.
So did you, hmm?
Did I what?
Did you get your liquor license?
Oh, Michael.
You're so fucking crude sometimes.
What's wrong with that?
A liquor license.
Stop being so woke.
It's pathetic.
I don't know what it was about watching
her kill those two men.
Just turned on some inner freak in me.
And we had the most amazing sex I've ever had.
Uh.
I made a vow to myself then, I was never
going to see Anastasia again.
I had enough shit going on in my life to start
dating a Russian gangster.
I am so fucking turned on right now.
Stop it, Michael.
To Anastasia Ivanov's assassin's abode.
Whatever you do, don't mention that thing
that I told you earlier.
What?
You two fucking?
No, the other thing.
I was kidding.
Yeah, well, actually don't mention
the first thing either because you're
just going to make it weird.
I won't say a word.
I promise.
Elizabeth.
Hi, babe.
How wonderful to see you.
And you have brought your friends with you.
Anastasia, sweetheart, I have heard so much about you.
What have you heard?
Don't listen to him, babe.
He's an idiot.
What have you heard?
You know.
Ha ha ha ha.
He's a funny fucker, this one.
Good.
I like funny.
Come in.
Fucking idiot.
This is Boris, my bitch.
Your what?
My bitch.
I thought that's what you said.
And he just takes it, you know.
Every powerful man needs a bitch.
Powerful man?
Yes.
I currently identify as a man.
Good for you.
A powerful man like Putin.
Excellent, Liz, do you want to tell Anastasia what it is
that we're here for so that we can
get the fuck out of here before she
tries to make me a new bitch.
Anastasia. Yes?
I need a gun.
Of course.
You can have this one.
Bring it back when you're done with it.
That was easy.
So do you have a gun strapped under every seat?
Just the seats my ass just happened to sit on.
Would you like to know what it is that we need this gun for?
That is no concern of mine.
Well, we need to hunt down my best friend's killer,
a fucking monster named Adam the Abomination.
And I'm talking about a monster, monster
like Frankenstein-type shit, not like [inaudible]..
Why do you feel so compelled to tell me this?
Did you think it would impress me?
Don't listen to him.
He talks way too much.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's interesting is why.
I've lived a very interesting life.
I've-- I've got a lot of interesting things to say.
It's not interesting.
And nobody cares.
Oh, I care.
You do care about everything, so it doesn't really count.
So you like to impress those that are not impressed by you?
Interesting.
Who are you?
My therapist?
You see therapist?
Yeah, he does, actually, every Tuesday.
[mouthed] But he doesn't like to talk about it.
If you lived the life I've lived,
you'd need to see a therapist too, love.
You do realize that she's a Russian gangster, don't you?
You do realize I've got a very fucking complex mind, far too
complex for the likes of anybody that's
not a medical professional to understand.
I think I could take a stab at it.
That's cute.
You wouldn't know where to start, love.
Judging by your need to be the center of the room,
and the fact that you seek admiration from everyone
you encounter, my diagnosis would
be narcissistic personality disorder.
Right, come on.
We go.
It hit a nerve, have we?
Oh, yeah.
I'm not afraid of you, bitch boy.
You're no fucking Uncle Typhon.
Leave the narcissist alone, bitch.
A megalomaniac with enough heart to stand up to you
will probably rule the world someday.
Let's stay in his good books.
Well, shit, tell me more about me ruling the world.
No, fucking hell, come on.
Let's go.
That's enough.
Thank you.
Anastasia.
You're welcome.
You come back.
Yeah, call me.
Come on.
Bye, bye, everybody.
Fucking rat.
Come on.
Fucking lunatics.
Adam.
You finally came home to daddy.
My parental pool worked its magic, just like I calculated.
Welcome home, sonny.
Come to papa.
I'm so happy to have you back at home, son,
at the place of your birth.
You look healthy, well, healthier
than I expected to be.
Where were you, Adam?
I was frightened.
Hallelujah!
My creation can speak.
It's a fucking miracle.
OK, say something else.
Say daddy God.
What am I?
You are my son.
And I am your daddy.
Why did you create me?
I created you to prove to the world that I was not a loser,
to show everyone what I've always been capable of.
You are my raised middle finger to all
the haters and doubters who put me down time
after time my whole life.
You are my creation.
You are my revenge.
What about me?
What about my reason for being?
I'm nothing but a savage monster, a parasite,
feeding on the blood of others.
I'm nothing more to you than a trophy.
I will not tolerate insubordination
for my creation.
Is that clear?
I gave you life, God damn it.
Don't make me take it away and create another.
I'm sorry, daddy.
That's better, son.
Elizabeth, give me that gun.
How about no?
What do you mean, no?
This is my thing, remember?
Since when is this your thing?
It's always been my thing.
Anastasia was so right about you.
About what?
Ruling the world?
Yeah, probably.
Lizzie, give me that fucking gun.
Fuck off.
Anastasia gave it to me, not to you, narcissist.
Ah, ah, you're ruining it.
What?
Are we doing this or what?
I'm not doing anything until you give me my gun?
You gob shyster.
Suit yourself.
I'm taking are you coming, babe?
Ah, ah, you've ruined us.
I hope you get raped, eaten, and killed in there.
Michael!
Not you.
You're all right.
I don't hope you get raped, eaten, and killed, obviously.
I was talking about that.
Charming.
Are you coming then, babes?
Yes, I said, obviously.
Stupid bloody fence, fuck.
Jesus Christ.
Right, somebody's going to have to protect you girls.
Such a gentleman.
I don't need fucking protecting, yeah.
My arse, you don't.
Just be nice to each other now.
Aren't we going to stop them, Sarge?
Sometimes in life, you have to sacrifice the maggot
to catch the fish, Constable.
What does that even mean, Sarge?
It mean shut up, watch, and learn.
Tonight, we catch our killer.
Can I ask you a question, Sergeant?
It depends what that question is.
A police officer's allowed to date members of the public?
As long as you're off duty, you can do what you like.
I think I might ask out that girl.
What girl?
Antigone.
This really isn't a time or a place
to be discussing your love life, Constable Romeo.
I'm sorry, sir. You're right.
Look, I wish you the best with it.
And she seems like a nice girl.
Keeps questionable company though.
You'll have to watch that.
Thank you, Sergeant.
Da da da da da, and OK, One big bowl of fresh ground
human flesh.
I bought it from a euthanasiac for peanuts.
Enjoy.
I love you very much.
Is that why you put me in chains?
When you earn back my trust, you'll
get your freedom back, OK?
Come on, eat.
I know you got to be hungry.
Adam, we have guests.
[laughter] There he is.
There's the monster.
I fucking told you he was real.
Who's the bullshitter now?
What him or him?
It's hardly seven foot tall.
Don't look that odd.
Never judge a book by its cover.
Judge a book by its cover?
Look at him.
He's a hideous fucking monster.
Adam the Abomination, and I proved that he's real.
Now, you give me that gun so I can shoot him
and become a fucking legend.
Wow, you are so eager to please.
Come on then.
Well, this isn't, um, as easy as it looks, is it?
You can do this, Michael.
He killed your best mate, remember?
I hardly knew the bastard.
I fucking knew that was bollocks.
Oh, fuck off, you, you tart.
Why do you wish to kill me?
Is it because I look different to you?
It's because you're a monster that kills and eats people.
Can't you see I was made this way?
This is not my choice.
This is how I survive.
The one-eyed bloke did say that to me.
Just fucking shoot him.
Yes, shoot me.
Put me out of my misery.
[growls] No one will ever love a monster.
No one will ever accept me into any civilized society.
The best I can hope for is to become a circus freak.
Oh.
Now shoot me.
[gunfire]
Police, stop.
Well, only losers bring badges to gun fights.
Only in England.
That's a lot of young, fresh meat.
You're going to be feasting for the next few weeks, son.
Daddy.
I meant what I said.
Nobody can ever love a monster.
Only another monster could truly love me.
You're right, my son.
A man does have his needs.
So I'm going to take your rib and make you your very own Eve.
[SINGING] Sugar and spice and all things nice.
Get in my soul and make it right.
Oh baby.
Oh yeah.
Oh baby.
Oh yeah.
Sugar and candy, cherry pie, your oh-so-secret apple
of my eye.
That's my girl.
You Fucking wish, mate.
RSVP, listen to the letter that's just for my baby.
RSVP, RSVP, get back to me with a definite maybe.
I'm your sweet 16.
You put me in a spin.
You're my maple leaf.
oh baby, oh yeah, oh baby, baby.
Oh baby.
Oh yeah.
I want you to squeeze me oh so tight.
Just keep on dancing till the morning light.
I'll be waiting for you.
I'll be waiting.
Sure be waiting for you.
Oh yeah.
Why you hesitating?
RSVP, RSVP, kisses through the letter box, just for my baby.
RSVP, RSVP, get back to me with a definite maybe.
Just for my baby.
RSVP, RSVP, get back with a definite maybe.
Hug and squeeze me oh, so tight.
Just keep on dancing till the morning light.
I'll be waiting for you.
I'll be waiting.
I'll be waiting for you.
Oh, yeah.
Why you hesitating?
RSVP.
Kisses through the letter box just for my baby.
RSVP, RSVP, get back to me with a definite maybe.
RSVP, RSVP, kisses through the letterbox, just for my baby.
RSVP, RSVP, get back to me with a definite maybe.