[rain falling]
[Zadie] The impulse to dance existed long before
our primate ancestors evolved into humans.
Evolutionary biologists suggest that dance
was used by early humans
to promote the social cooperation
essential for our survival.
Indeed, studies have found that
today's best dancers all share
the two specific genes associated
with excellent interpersonal skills.
But despite its power to save our species,
dance could not save
a small furniture company in Miami
from the economic tsunami of a global pandemic,
so like many 40-year-old Millennial white males,
Mike Lane found himself
alone and adrift in an ocean of failed relationships
and unrealized dreams.
[event planner] Excuse me? Hello!
This area is off-limits.
Oh. Well, then
you really shouldn't be here then, should you?
Cute.
Get dressed, start unloading. Trucks just pulled in.
All right.
[Latin music plays on speakers]
[housewife 1] So, is she living in Miami now, or...
[housewife 2] Well, she can't go back to London,
Roger's there.
[housewife 3] She has to go back, for the daughter.
[housewife 4] Roger still wants it to work,
according to Bob.
[housewife 3] She should have just canceled
instead of walking around like a zombie.
[housewife 1] Totally.
-[housewife 3 clears throat] -And here she is.
Hi.
Thank you so much. This is absolutely beautiful.
-Oh, thank you for your contribution. -You look stunning.
-Scotch, please. -Neat or rocks?
Neat.
You getting what you want?
With the fundraiser. It looks like it's going all right.
Nobody here knows what the Big Blue Rescue Project is
and yet they give me their money every year.
Well, I just think people like to
look at what they can't have.
I guess.
What's up, bro? Two vodka sodas.
-So, what do you think? Yeah? -Yeah. Sounds good.
Wait. I know you. You went to State, right?
[softly chuckles] State? No, definitely not.
Huh. We've definitely met.
Uh, no. I don't know. Sorry.
-Don't freak the guy out, hon. -I'm not. [giggles]
Holy shit. I got it. You really don't remember?
I don't know. Was it at my store? Huh?
No. You were a cop, right?
-What's your name? -Kim.
[women squeal]
["Mo Cash!" by Vegas Audio Ninjas plays over speakers]
[Latin music plays on speakers]
[chuckles] Uh, yeah. Like way back in the day. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Right, right, right. Got it. [chuckles]
Nice pull, hon! Did you arrest her?
Uh, no, I think I let you off with a warning. Right?
Mm-hmm. It was my pledge party.
I was being very disorderly.
[chuckles] You being good now? You behaving?
-Yes, I'm great, actually. -Good.
I'm on Maxandra's legal team so... here to support.
That's cool. What kind of law do you practice?
Family Law generally. But, I do specialize in divorce.
-Well, it was good to see you. -See you in another 10 years.
-Cheers. Be good. -I'll do my best.
[cell phone rings]
[event planner] You! Bartender.
Mrs. Rattigan would like a word.
Uh, we're not done breaking down.
Did you hear what I said?
She'd like to see you right now.
Bullshit. Hey, look,
you don't have to explain it to me. All right?
Explain it to Zadie.
Ma'am?
Of course, I'm super uncomfortable
doing that and I won't do it.
Because that's a date with chaperones.
I'm not stupid, Roger.
Ma'am, uh, they said to come see you.
Should I just wait outside?
I don't want to see you! All right?
Get it into your head, if you need to talk to me
then bring the lawyers.
Um, bartender?
I'm sorry. They said to come see you. I didn't mean to--
Yes, yes, please come back.
Okay.
-[sighs] -Yeah?
[nervous laugh] You know... Do you like bartending?
Sure. Uh, it's not really what I do,
but yeah. Why not?
So, what is it that you really do?
[chuckles] Uh, yeah-- Well, it's-- That's a long story.
Did you want me for something?
[inhales] Yeah...
Um, what's your name?
Mike.
Nice to meet you, Mike.
Nice to meet you.
How much?
How much for what?
You know. Please don't make me
[slight chuckle] spit it out
because this is the first time I do this
and it's not comfortable.
[slight chuckle] Look, I don't know
what you're talking about. What?
But Kim told me that she knew you, and run into you,
and that you were a dancer.
-Oh, Kim-- Kim told you that? -Yeah.
-Right. -[sighs]
Uh, look, I don't really do that anymore, so--
Uh, what was your name?
Max.
Max, it was nice to meet you. Uh, thanks for--
I'm s-- I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to offend you.
No, you didn't offend me. Don't worry. It's all--
Really, I have no idea what I'm doing.
It's just I'm not normally like this...
it's just that I've had like the shittiest day
and the shittiest week...
and the shittiest month, and the shittiest year.
Same here. Welcome to the club.
Don't worry, you didn't offend me.
Okay. [exhales]
[chuckles] It was nice to meet you.
So, let's say...
if you were to do this just, like, one last time.
Mm-hmm?
How much would something like that go for?
How much would something
like that go for? [sharp inhale]
Uh, $60,000? Maybe.
-$60,000? -Yeah. Yeah, 60.
Let's call it 60.
What the fuck do you do? She said it was a silly dance.
Who said that? Kim? Kim said that? It was silly?
Yeah. She said it was a silly dance,
but that it would get my mind off of things.
And if she's right, I'm willing to pay six.
What? You're serious right now?
You're gonna pay me $6,000 to give you a dance?
Yeah, but no happy endings, huh?
So we have a deal?
[exhales]
Are you leaving?
[door locks]
You know I have security.
Mm-hmm.
What are you doing?
Um, you seem like you need a drink.
[sighs] I really, really do.
[Mike clears his throat]
Why are you moving my flowers?
These will work better here.
You have a really, really,
[slight chuckle] really nice house.
Thank you.
Everything's made really well.
[Mike clears his throat]
Are you redecorating?
Maybe. Do you have music?
You might want to finish your drink.
[buttons click]
[Mike chuckles]
[instrumental music plays over speakers]
[Mike swallows, exhales]
So, I don't know if you really know what you bought...
but I'm gonna give it to you anyway.
And at any point I take you past your comfort zone--
I fucking slap you.
You can slap me. That's perfect.
May I touch you?
I guess.
["Careful" by Lucky Daye plays over speakers]
[no other sounds audible]
[speaking Spanish]
[chuckles] Thanks.
You don't know what I said.
What are you talking about? Yeah, I do.
What did I say?
You said I move like water.
I didn't mean for you to understand that.
Well, maybe you should be
a little more careful what you say.
Remember, I am from Florida. [chuckles]
[kisses]
If I had known what this night was going to be like...
I would have gladly paid you the 60 thousand.
It wouldn't have mattered anyway,
I'm not gonna take your money.
I'm not even gonna take the six grand. [kisses]
Who are you? [slight chuckle]
Um, I don't know.
What do you mean?
Come with me to London.
What's in London?
My life.
Your life's in London? I thought this was your house.
This is a house, but it's not the house.
Max, I can't just go to London.
I got, like, stuff here. I got--
Like there's a whole mess. I got a job.
I can't just go to London.
I'm gonna get you a much better job in London.
You're gonna get--
No, well, I have a job for you in mind.
It's creative. And all you have to do
is come with me for a month
and I will give you your 60 thousand.
Max, I can't just up and leave my entire life here for you--
Yes, you can. Yes, you can. Listen. Listen.
Not for a mon-- I can't. Not for a whole month.
You should come with me
and then if it's out of your comfort zone then you just--
-I get to fucking slap you? -You can fucking slap me.
Let's go.
Thank you.
What are you doing?
[chuckles] I don't really fuck with vegetables.
How do you have that body then?
I don't know. Genetics. Mom and Pops.
How'd you get so rich?
-Genetics, I guess. -Mm-hmm. Yeah?
No, Roger's family is in media.
Oh, that's cool. Is that like TV and shit?
It's more like everything and shit.
Right.
So, um, I don't know. What happened, with that?
Marriage happened.
[Mike] Mmm.
Are you married?
Am I married? Um, would it be a problem if I was?
No. This is 100 percent business.
Right. You keep talking about this "job."
But you always leave out what the actual job is.
It's what you were meant to be doing all along.
Okay. I've made it really clear though,
I'm not-- I don't dance anymore.
Then I can claim that I got Magic Mike's Last Dance.
[chuckles]
So what else could you possibly be paying me for?
We are not having sex.
Completely out of the question.
Why?
You know, Mike, I actually think you have...
other talents. And this is what I'm invested in.
Okay. But just, you know, hear me out.
You've purchased me for a month, um, let's just say...
you say, "Jump." I say, "Which bed?"
Look, last night was...
kind of magical. It was amazing.
So, let's not fuck that up.
Okay?
Okay.
Uh, and no. I'm not, by the way.
What?
Married.
Okay. Are you in a relationship?
Mm-mm. No.
Me and relationships
don't have a tendency to, uh, work out.
Yeah, I can understand that.
-To freedom. -To freedom.
[upbeat instrumental music plays]
[no other sounds audible]
Now, sir, the brown hamper is for dry cleaning
and the beige hamper is for regular laundry.
Uh, I'm probably not gonna have
any dry cleaning and I, by the way
I can do my own clothes, man.
Just show me where the machines are.
Ms. Mendoza would never allow that, sir.
Aw, man, you can call me Mike. It's all good.
As you wish, sir. The loo is through this door here.
Uh, the toilet, sir.
[slight chuckle] Right. Do you have any idea
what the fuck I'm doing here?
Uh, regrettably... no, sir.
Yeah, but you wouldn't tell me
even if you did know, would you?
I would be lying if I said I wasn't lying, sir.
[chuckles] Right. It's Mike, man.
Just call me Mike.
Well, "Mike," Ms. Mendoza does love a good surprise.
I'll collect you at half past.
Collect me at half past for the surprise. Cool.
[cell phone rings]
[sighs] Shit.
[Max] I never like to give credit to Victor
because he becomes unbearable...
but I wouldn't own the place that we're going to
if he hadn't convinced me
to fight for it in the settlement.
Her only other option
was a sand and gravel pit in High Wycombe.
And the only value I saw in it was that my mother-in-law...
didn't want to give it away.
But now, I have found its purpose.
What's my purpose there? If we're going there.
Well...
just pretend that today is Christmas
and you're about to open your presents.
[chuckles] Okay.
As a matter of fact, Victor,
I think we should stop at Liberty's first.
Don't you think?
I would let Harj know,
so that he can mentally prepare.
Good idea.
What's a Harj?
[Max chuckles]
Hello, Harj.
Good afternoon, Madame Rattigan!
Don't you "madame" me and it's Mendoza now.
[speaking French]
[in English] So where's "the big tear-down"?
[laughs] What-- This does not cost that.
What is this in dollars?
Do you like-- What, do you drop a zero or...
So cute.
[Harj sighs]
[inaudible dialogue]
Do you know what Victor does?
[Mike] So you own this place?
[Max] I do now.
When this very same play opened in 2004,
the owner of the theater
fell madly in love with this horribly insecure actress.
And so...
here's where my love story with Roger began
and here is where it's going to end.
He must have loved your performance.
I had three lines.
[Mike chuckles]
Well, you certainly look the part.
So relax, have fun
and I promise there won't be any more surprises,
but you're gonna like this one.
You swear?
[footsteps approaching]
Deal.
Miss Mendoza! Right on time as usual.
Stop it, Woody. I'm half an hour late.
As usual. Is this, uh--
Yeah, Mike, meet Woody,
the best stage manager in all of London.
Easy. I'm just here to serve your vision, gov.
My vision?
Mm-hmm. Your vision. Let's go.
Oh, fuck.
[director and actors talking indistinctly]
Voilà.
Wow.
Right on time.
[Matthew] Listen, I-- Hugh,
are we actually going again because I'm not sure.
But if you go back to the start of the scene
please just go to the top of the scene
and imbue it with a little more--
[Mike] So what's this shit about?
It's the same old
will-she-marry-for-love or-money bullshit.
Hmm.
So, what does she pick? Love or money?
Who cares?
The real question is:
why does she feel like she has to choose?
[Matthew] I think I've run out of words.
Hell yeah.
Well, this is your joint, right?
Why don't you just give them that note?
[Isabel Ascendant actor] Show me,
have you got the script or--
[Matthew] Jessica, do you have a script?
[Isabel Ascendant director] Oh, this is a jolly good
waste of time, isn't it?
Bravo! [clapping] Bravo, everybody.
Absolutely flawless, thank you.
Excuse me? Who the fuck is talking?
Oh. Maxandra. My sincere apologies.
I couldn't see you in the light.
Nice to see you again, uh...
-Matthew. -Right.
-The director. -Of course.
To what do we owe the pleasure?
I'm here to make an announcement.
Oh! Oh. Tell me.
Well, if I only told you
it wouldn't be an announcement, would it?
I suppose not. Um, attention, everyone!
Gang, this is Maxandra Rattigan.
The wife of our owner and--
Actually, it's Maxandra Mendoza
and I'm the legal owner of this theater.
I am here to give you all notice
Isabel Ascendant is closed...
effective immediately.
On what fucking grounds?
We are at capacity every night!
Relax. It's only a four-week course correction.
An evolution. A revelation!
[slight chuckle]
And no one is fired.
[sighs] Christ.
Except for, um...
-Matthew. -Matthew. Yes.
Matthew will be replaced
by a brilliant new choreographer
that I recently discovered in Miami.
His artistry made me feel, uh...
[slight chuckle] There are no words. It's just...
ecstasy.
And in exactly one month,
I want every woman that walks into this theater
to feel the same kind of ecstasy that I did.
To transcend. To break free.
So, without further ado...
I give you the visionary artist...
that inspired me so profoundly
and that will take us to the promised land.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Michael Jeffrey Lane.
[applause]
'Sup?
[Max] The look on Roger's face when he sees this!
It's worth every pound, every shilling.
No. Yeah. You could've given me
just a little heads-up before
you threw me to the wolves in there!
You would've been in your head,
over-thinking everything.
It was better than not thinking
anything at all. Like--
And what are you so excited about?
Like every single person in there quit!
We don't need actors, we need dancers.
Plus, by not firing them,
we saved thousands on labor-union fees.
-[Mike laughs] -More money for you.
Yeah, but-- Okay. I-- Look, no offense...
but there's got to be easier ways
to get back at your husband for...
I don't know, whatever, than putting on a strip show.
Oh, I'm not a scorned woman, and this is not a strip show.
We are bringing the tsunami to London!
[chuckles] Okay. All right. This--
And I'm down for that.
I just think that you haven't--
Can't you see? People are numb,
disconnected, desensitized.
We're going to wake them up
with a wave of passion they've never felt before.
Okay, I just-- There's one little thing
that I think you're forgetting
is that I don't know shit about directing theater.
-And that's why you have me! -What?
It will be a historical,
one-night collaboration between the stage, and the...
-The thongs? -Eh, I don't know.
-Exactly. That's what-- -Who the hell are you?
I don't know. Who are you?
Zadie, what are you doing here?
Um, this is my daughter, Zadie.
Oh, shit. Hi. Nice to meet you!
-We had a meeting, Maxandra. -Yeah.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
I completely lost track of time.
Completely. I'm so sorry.
I can see that. I'm more interested
in why you lost track of time.
Well, um, I've been handling some business
with the new director of Isabel Ascendant.
-[Mike] Mm-hmm. -Michael Jeffrey Lane.
Ah, yeah. That's not my name. But-- It's just--
But it's got gravitas.
Yeah, it's just-- It's Mike Lane.
But you do need a stage name.
-Are you two hooking up? -Zadie!
Well, I-- What's funny about that is, uh...
your mom actually is paying me to not hook up.
We are not hooking up.
But he will be staying at the house
just until he gets settled. Okay?
How convenient.
Tell me, Mike, what do you plan to do with Act Three?
Yeah, we're gonna have one.
I was pl-- I was, uh, planning on doing Act Three like a--
Everybody knows
Isabel Ascendant has a wildly outdated,
painfully misogynistic climax.
[Mike] Mm-hmm.
Exactly. And that's why our take
is going to be so exciting
because they will be expecting that
and instead, they're gonna see
that a woman can have whatever she wants,
-whenever she wants it. -Mm-hmm.
Since when do you believe that?
Since Mike and I have been exploring this theme.
Yeah, your m-- Yeah, we've been exploring those themes.
You're in another one of your phases, aren't you?
Baby, don't you have some schoolwork to do?
Uh, what's the phases thing?
Every few years she starts a big new project.
Sometimes it's a charity, a documentary,
-a new best friend. -Right.
Each time it's like she's a new person.
So what?
Sue me for exploring myself
and my contributions to the world!
But your contributions never see the light of day.
There's always some obstacle.
We call her The Queen of the First Act.
Our therapist, whom she stood up to be here,
says she tries on these new
personas as a way from running from the guilt about--
I already said how sorry I am
about missing that appointment
and I am going to reschedule it.
[speaking French]
Uh, you know, pardon my French,
but, uh, y'all are being rude as fuck. [chuckles]
Sorry.
[speaking French]
-Pleasure, Zadie. -Zadie, wait, don't go.
You want some cake? Baby.
What's going on?
[Roger] No, I didn't know until you sent it.
Well, technically, she does have the right.
I have no idea. Maybe Zadie will tell me.
Change the agreement how?
Mother-- Mother, I think
you should pursue this on your own.
I can't get dragged into a fight.
Not about this, not right now.
[Mike] Yo!
[Tito] Holy shit! Naysayers, we have proof of life!
All right.
What's up, man? I know, look, I know. I-I--
And I'm sorry, okay, I know I've been ducking you all.
Uh, I apologize. I just--
It's a long story, but I'm in London
and I just want you guys to know
I'm gonna be able to pay you back,
I just need a few weeks. Okay?
Oh, come on, man!
How many times do we have to tell you
you don't need to pay us back! It was an investment.
I know. I know. But I'm--
As many times as you guys say that,
I'm not just gonna burn my friends' money
and not care. All right? I don't--
No. Money is water, Mike. It flows in both directions.
That's a good point, but still.
You-- Yeah, hold up. You buried the lede here.
Why are you in London?
I don't know, short story is that... [chuckles]
I was bartending at, uh, this charity event
and then at the end of the night
I ended up giving this rich lady a lap dance
and now I'm living in her house in London
and gonna put on a show
at this famous theater that she owns. So, yeah.
Cool. Hey, sex work
is nothing to be embarrassed about, Mikey.
Especially when it's the live-in kind.
Hey, look, thanks, Tarzan.
Look, I basically am just saying
though I'm gonna have your money...
I don't exactly know, uh,
what I said yes to so I hope it works out.
Mikey, Mikey, this is great news.
I was looking at your chart last night...
you know you're in a once-
in-33-year Jupiter cycle, right?
I-- No, I didn't, but that explains a lot I guess. Yeah.
Yeah, it does, so whatever existential confusion
you're feeling right now,
it's an initiation.
It's wiping the slate clean for you to self-actualize.
Uh, I'm just trying to survive to be honest.
Surviving? Bro, you are a gig worker.
Magic Mike's coming back to the main stage.
I-- But that's the thing I'm not even dancing though.
I'm putting on the show.
I guess I'm directing or whatever.
I mean, it's-- I'm only here for a month,
it's for one show only,
to basically get back at her ex or something.
I don't know. It's totally bonkers over here.
Who gives a shit, man? She's rich.
Trust me. Do not leave that situation. Okay?
Look at me, I'm basically a freaking
glorified dog walker. Okay?
You just need to make sure she doesn't wake up,
and all of a sudden
want you out of the house,
which I have tips on by the way if you want them.
Okay. I-I-- We don't have dogs here
so maybe that's a good idea.
I feel it. I feel it in my solar plexus, brother.
This is your dharma.
-Just stay in the flow. -Victor?
What are you doing there?
Oh, you know, waiting for passing fucking trade.
He's on a private call.
Since when has that stopped you?
Oh, boys, I miss you.
[Mike chuckles]
-Are you decent? -Yep.
Is that her?
Are we interrupting something?
No, I was just, uh, looking for some ideas.
Oh, I've been "scouting" myself.
And come take a look at what I found.
[Mike chuckles]
["The Journey" by Jack Rayner plays on computer]
Look at that.
Isn't he magnificent?
[Mike] Hmm.
He has such an innate elegance and intelligence
to the way he moves.
And then at the same time
there's this savage thing, you know...
like a primal animal.
[sighs] Just incredible.
I think this is what we need for the show.
Trained dancers, not strippers.
Yeah, but, I mean, as the director,
I-I-I promise you...
I know exactly what we're looking for. Yeah.
I love the way you just did that.
[chuckles] What?
"As the director."
You're really owning that place. You know?
[slight chuckle] It comes to you so naturally.
Mm-hmm.
I can tell that you already have a vision.
And I'm sure that you agree that this would be fantastic.
-[Mike] Yeah, he's great. -For the show, I mean.
[Mike] Yeah. Yeah, really. I mean, he's--
[Max] Antonio is what we need.
Uh, he's great. Like I said,
he's just-- But he's also in Italy.
-Roma. -Roma, see, I can't--
I don't have time to go find him in Roma
and then bring him all the way back here.
Oh, no. That would be out of the question.
But that's why you have a genius producer!
He's arriving on Thursday.
If you approve. Creatively, I mean.
Yeah, look, if you want him, um, sure. I-I-I approve.
Creatively, of course.
I'm so excited!
Are you excited?
Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I am.
You don't sound excited.
I'm very, very, very excited. I promise.
Oh, man, me, I don't even think
I am gonna be able to sleep.
No?
Good night.
Sweet dreams.
Okay.
Wait, wait, where are you going? Hey.
To bed?
We got like 10 other dancers to find.
And that's why we have Renata. Good night.
[sighs]
[Renata] Per your instructions
I've assembled the top-tier of talent
across multiple movement disciplines.
And they're all very eager to please...
and quite athletic, as you requested.
Excellent work as usual, Renata.
["Spoiler" by Baloji plays]
[no other sounds audible]
[Zadie] She couldn't explain
the full extent of her feelings...
but Max knew that she had crossed
some kind of strange Rubicon.
She was desperate to know
more about why she felt this way,
so she purchased a litany of books on the history of dance.
For Mike, The Rattigan had no symbolic weight,
it was simply where he had to work.
And he reminded himself,
in order to finish something, you have to make a start.
For Maxandra, The Rattigan had been transformed.
It went from existing only in the past
to being a source of renewal.
-[Max] Hello, hello, hello. -Hey! Hey!
Are you ready to transform theater forever?
[yells of agreement]
-Whoo! -Yeah.
[Mike] All right. Calm down, calm down.
We ain't done shit yet.
All right, you guys have all the talent in the world.
Ain't no questioning that.
Each and every single person here
was hand selected because they bring
something unique to the table
that we ain't never seen before.
All right?
But I have a question for you.
Who here, by show of hands
has stood in front of a thousand women
and had to get butt-ass naked?
Exactly.
You want to find out how fast
a group of sweet, nurturing moms can make you
just go running, cowering
into a dark corner, wishing you were never born?
I promise you it can happen.
I've seen it. And it can happen
[snaps fingers] just like that.
Now I can't believe I'm about to say these words out loud,
but we got one month.
[Max] Oh, yeah.
We got one month to turn y'all
into the greatest group of strippers
that has ever been assembled on planet Earth.
And to do that,
you boys got to be ready to get your hands dirty
your noses wet, and them nuts chafed as shit.
[all chuckle]
And look, if, if we do our jobs right...
you're gonna have a whole other problem on your hands.
You're gonna have to learn
to protect yourself in a zombie apocalypse
of repressed desire.
Any questions?
[Hannah] I have a question.
Can you, you know, fuck a zombie to death?
Or is it still a kill shot to the head?
[Mike chuckles]
Excuse me, what are you doing here?
I mean, you didn't technically fire me,
so I'm still drawing out that salary.
Oh, I'm sorry. I should have been more clear.
You're still getting paid,
but we no longer need your services.
I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. [slight chuckle]
I was just really inspired by our new director's vision.
What-- Um, what did I say?
He didn't say anything.
It's not what you said. It's who you are.
Do you have any idea of how long
I've been dreaming of someone to walk through
that door with a flame thrower
and burn this whole fucking shit to the ground?
I can't stand playing Lady Isabel.
For the last six months,
I've wanted to choke the life out of that entitled prude.
I mean, get a grip, woman. Jesus Christ.
Like you're rich,
send a fucking carriage to town,
buy up every able-bodied man...
soldier, sailor instead of wasting your time
worrying about which boring old sod
you're going to sign your life away to
and have a lovely
half-decent shag with every last one! I--
But it's a really good job, it's so stable, and, um...
so usually I don't say all of that.
Well, that was poetic.
You're definitely our audience.
Woody, make sure she gets an invitation.
Hey, we're still calling this Isabel Ascendant , right?
Yeah, but that's just a trick
to get the audience into the theater
so then we can give them something else.
Right, but if, what if we use
the actual old opening to Isabel Ascendant?
I mean, it could be a really big surprise actually.
And if I'm honest...
if you want to make a show
about women getting what they want,
wouldn't it be a little fucking chauvinistic
to not have a female lead in it?
Are you calling me chauvinistic?
No.
Because I'm the feminist here.
-Right. -I'm the flame-thrower.
This whole thing was my idea.
You heard her. She's the flame-thrower.
Uh, you're hired as Isabel
because you were already hired.
[squeals] Oh. Go-- I am thrilled!
Thank you both so much.
Will you be dancing in it?
Uh, no. Just, uh, directing. Right?
Aw, shame.
Well now that we have a leading lady again
maybe the director should walk us
through the beats of the first act.
[clears throat] Yep. Uh, first act, coming up.
Enter Jackson,
the low-class but sexy friend of the husband. Line?
Harold said you didn't want to go to Calais this year.
Is that still settled?
-I'm sick to death of Calais. -Theo?
I won't hear of it. You're going and that's that.
Perfect. Hit it.
["Ferrari" by Jack Rayner plays over speakers]
[Hannah giggles]
Oh, come on. No. No. No, no.
Come on, Mike. Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
Hey. All right, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Stop. What's up?
They can't just start dancing on her out of nowhere.
I mean, I'm down as fuck.
Okay. Uh, isn't that the point?
No, no, no.
You cannot interrupt the plot.
If you want a strong female lead
she has to have an objective.
At least we should know what she wants.
Okay. [sighs] What do you think she wants then?
I don't know. I know she doesn't want this life.
So she wants to run away?
She can't do that.
Why? She's a free person, right?
She has a family. There would be consequences.
Right. So it's about the money.
Oh, that's the least of it.
She would lose her friends, opportunities.
Her identity. Her whole world would be torn apart.
I don't know. It sounds to me that she just needs to let go.
-And some good dick! -Maybe that as well.
This show is not about getting dick. Only.
She needs to solve her dilemma.
It's not like some magic unicorn is gonna
come down and make all her wildest fantasies come true.
Uh, what was that?
Could be not the worst idea.
Oh, no way.
Hear me out. Just-- What about--
Where the fuck am I gonna get a horse?
What about a caballito? Like a tiny one.
I don't have caballito budget.
Wait. What-- How-- Okay, what if you don't see it?
What if you don't see the horse?
No, that's not right.
No.
[Victor clears his throat]
[sighs] How long have you been standing there?
-Long enough. May I? -Yes.
So you've worked with Max
and this Roger dude a long time?
All 18 wonderful years.
Wow. So you must know these friends
that we're going to see tonight.
What are they like?
Hmm. They like things to stay the same, sir.
All right.
How do I look? And don't give me any bullshit answer.
You know something...
they'd just laugh at you in a tie.
[footsteps approaching]
Holy shit.
-What? -You! That suit.
You look incredibly expensive.
You have no idea.
[Zadie] One of the most primal feelings
human beings experience is the desire to belong
to feel connected to other beings,
and to be part of a tribe.
In fact, brain scans have shown
that social rejection creates virtually
identical brain activity as physical assault.
Mike didn't know that...
but he knew dancing could bring people together.
Even if some of those people are snobs.
And he knew that Victor was right,
they would have laughed at him in a tie.
[Bill] And he says, "Now that's how you wave a towel!"
[group laughs]
[jazz music plays on speakers]
[Alice] Anyways, so, give us the latest gossip, Max.
-Yeah, go on. -And don't hold back a lick.
You know I don't hold back my licks.
-[group laughs] -True.
But there's nothing for me to tell you.
You already know everything...
since you double agents are all talking to Roger.
-Oh, come on. -That's not true.
-I'm offended.
Last I heard,
he had at least broken it off with the girl. So...
And so, she should just run back to him then, should she?
No, that's not what I'm implying.
I'm just-- You know, it's something, isn't it?
-It takes time, Bill. -Of course.
Or have you forgotten?
Ooh, hello. [slight chuckle]
Thank you for your concern, but you must know that...
I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life.
Oh, that's really good to hear.
[Phoebe] Oh, rubbish.
[Robert laughs] Phoebe!
He can do whatever he wants, and so can I.
-Yeah. -How modern.
But what does that actually mean for the divorce?
The divorce. The divorce.
Don't you have something else to talk about?
I mean, besides, uh, Bill jokes. Let's have fun.
Mike, why don't you tell them--
-I was just telling-- -Wait, no, listen to this.
You have to hear his vision for Isabel Ascendant.
-Oh, yeah. -Oh, yes.
Uh, yeah. Well, I mean,
as we were talking about we think it's, uh...
it's very important to honor,
uh, the original source material.
Yeah, but to do that properly--
And say no more. It has to be a surprise.
-Right. -Okay.
[Phoebe] It's so smart to revive a classic.
[Robert] Absolutely.
That is very hot right now.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know
if I would exactly call it a classic revival...
uh, Phoebe, but I--
You know, the way that I think we were looking at it is
that it really needed to be stripped down,
oiled, and spanked.
[Max chuckles, speaks Spanish]
No. No.
[in English] He loves metaphors.
So Mike, is there a vibrant theatrical community in Miami?
Yeah, for the right amount of dollars
I think you can have as vibrant
of a time as you would like.
[group laughs]
I imagine you've done a lot of work with Art Basel.
No, no. I don't-- Who's that? I don't know him.
[Max and group laugh]
-Come on, guys. -[Bill] Oh, my God.
Of course, I know Art Basel. It's the most famous art fair.
It happens in my city every single year.
-Wow. Your face just now... -[group laughs]
Well, I mean, if the show's anything like him,
count me in.
You better talk to him while you can because
he's about to get super famous and super unavailable.
Wow.
Well, that's quite a build-up. [chuckles]
That's a deal.
I don't know about all that, but yes.
[Bill laughs]
She is looking unusually radiant tonight.
[group makes agreement noises]
Yeah, I guess, um... I don't know.
It must be good for the soul, the whole divorce.
-[chuckles] Divorce. -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I'm-- What?
Do you guys have a different word
for the ending of a marriage here?
Uh, yeah. When it's untrue. Yeah. [chuckles]
I mean, yes, they have an agreement at the moment.
Yeah.
But, I mean, that family pre-nup
is going to take a decade to litigate.
[Robert] Exactly.
Plus she knows that at the end of it
she'll get absolutely nothing.
-Which she'll hate. -Yeah.
What she needs is to be able to stay with him,
but not actually be with him.
That would be the golden ticket.
I wish you had gotten up,
and really taken your clothes off.
Okay, let's go back there.
I'll take my clothes off right now.
I would have loved to see their faces.
-Yeah. -They are so fake.
They are the fakest people I know.
I think the only person that is real in my life is Zadie.
She's about as real as it gets at times.
Yes. She'll tell you what she thinks.
What about you, Mike?
Are you real?
What do you mean, am I real? Am I-- Do you think I'm real?
I don't know.
You know, sometimes you kind of feel like a dream.
Hmm.
I mean, you look like a dream.
Mm-hmm.
You smell like a dream.
Mm-hmm.
You taste like a dream.
Wait. I just want to make sure. Listen.
No, it's okay. No. I get it. I get it.
No, no, no. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
-That was really stupid. -No, I just--
No, I just want to tell you-- No, no. I'm sorry. I didn't--
You know what? I'm sorry, I'm just so drunk.
-[slight chuckle] -I shouldn't have stopped--
What? You had, like, one glass of wine.
No, look, that was my fault. That was my--
Are you saying I'm crazy?
No, I'm definitely not saying you're crazy.
Are you telling me I'm crazy?
I'm saying I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stop you.
Well, this was uncalled for so...
obviously if I'm not drunk, I'm crazy.
I didn't mean to stop you. Come here.
Stop. Hey-- Max, stop. I'm sorry.
And I'm not crazy. I am very drunk actually.
Stop. Stop. Listen to my--
No, you stop. I don't want to listen to you.
Right now, anything that you say to me is gonna be wrong.
I already said I'm sorry. Okay? I get it. I get it.
You don't have to like, rub it in.
All right.
No pity talking or anything. I get it.
Can you put some music on, Victor?
["Steal Away" by Robbie Dupree plays on radio]
[sighs]
♪ Why don't we steal away
♪ Into the night
♪ I know it ain't right
[speaking with British accent] Oh, hello. Good morning.
Good morning.
What are you doing up so early?
I'm writing a novel.
-A novel? -Mm-hmm.
They make you write novels in school over here?
Do you assume that because of my age
I only have the mental capacity
to write a novel for school?
No, I just don't know anyone that's ever written a novel.
What is it about?
It's about some people who know each other and do things.
It's about every time I draw
another gentrified breath into my helpless body.
And it's about 40 pages.
That's a good amount of pages.
It is.
How many are you gonna go for?
A few more.
-What's up, Vic? -Yeah, right.
[whispers] What? What? Why is he like that?
If he acts like he likes you, he hates you.
And if he acts like he hates you...
it's a sign of respect because he actually does hate you.
Yeah, that's not helpful. Why doesn't he just quit?
Same reason you don't quit. Systemic economic inequality.
Speaking of, have you seen Maxandra this morning?
No. And why do you call her that?
You know she hates it.
She brought me from an orphanage,
saying "mother" would feel like a lie.
Come on. That's a little strong.
Look, she's doing the best she can.
And she loves the shit out of you.
I think the real question is
why do you love the shit out of her?
Love is a really, really big word, Zadie.
And, look, the truth is
no one's believed in me like your mom has, so I--
-Zadie? -Hi, Roger.
Hello, dear.
[mouths] That's your--
-Is your mother around? -Maxandra is upstairs.
And who's this?
This is Mike.
Mike is the new director for Isabel Ascendant.
-Ah, right. -What's up?
Roger Rattigan.
Michael Jeffrey Lane.
I hope Max didn't schedule
to meet both of us at the same time.
-He's staying here. -Ah.
-Mm-hmm. -Well, no conflict then.
No.
I hope the theater itself has treated you well thus far.
Oh, she's been a pleasure to be inside of.
[Roger] It's got such a wonderful feel.
I'm looking forward to seeing
how you improve such a classic.
I can't wait for you to experience it.
It's a little rough, so be nice.
Okay.
-Woods. -Sound. Go.
["Mercy" by Jacob Banks plays over speakers]
♪ Followed your name
♪ Into the wild
♪ Yeah, yeah
♪ Showed you my shame
♪ I ran a mile
♪ I sing your lullaby
♪ Your melodies
♪ Like a symphony
[dancers cheer approval]
♪ We burn the same
♪ Inside a fire
♪ I just need a little mercy
-♪ Mercy on me -[dancers cheer]
♪ I just need a little mercy
♪ Mercy on me
♪ I drank your holy water
♪ Your liberty
♪ Your make-believe
♪ I just need a little mercy
♪ Mercy on me
♪ I just need a little mercy
♪ Mercy
[dancers cheer]
♪ I just need a little mercy
♪ Mercy
Bravo. Bravo.
Bravo. Bellissimo. Now that is class.
Yeah. No, that was great.
Um, yeah, I got to figure out, uh...
where it goes in the show.
Uh, but, yeah, it was-- It was great.
All right, Harry, let's go.
["Permission" by Ro James plays over speakers]
Give it to her.
♪ Oh
Take your time, boy.
Show her.
♪ With your permission
♪ I just wanna spend a little time with you ♪
Yep.
That's it.
Hey, give her the business.
♪ Tonight I wanna be a little me on you ♪
Uh, uh.
Uh-oh. [laughs]
♪ With your permission
♪ I wanna spend the night sippin' on you ♪
That's it. That's it. All right, sick.
Look, I mean, you can't dance any better than that.
That's perfect.
I mean, the only-- If I had a little note
it would just be this specific dance
is a little more like fucking than dancing.
And you know, look, the song is called "Permission,"
so once you get permission
you got to keep it, and you got to--
The only way to do that is to keep a connection with her.
Here, watch. Look, see if you can see the difference.
["Permission" by Ro James plays over speakers]
Like, literally you don't even have to dance at all.
-Hi. -Hey.
-Can I touch you? -Of course.
-Yeah? You sure? -Yeah.
♪ With your permission
♪ I just wanna spend a little time with you ♪
[dancers cheer encouragement]
♪ With your permission
♪ Tonight I wanna be a little me on you ♪
♪ Aw, yeah
♪ With your permission
♪ I wanna spend the night sippin' on you ♪
♪ You know what I'm talking about baby, yeah ♪
Woody! Woody, Woody, Woody, Woody.
I don't understand.
You have this beautiful legendary stage...
but you're hovering around the chair.
I mean, you can do the same...
[grunts]
over here, or your...
[grunts]
-over there. -Mm-hmm.
No woman wants to be suffocated
by testículos.
That's fair.
It's nice to expand, you know?
Okay.
Less testiculars and expansion.
[sighs]
[electronic instrumental music plays]
[no other sounds audible]
[Zadie] Some scholars suggest that dance
once was a form of communication
as integral to our daily life as eating or sleeping.
Traditionally, tribal courtship dances
allowed dancers of opposite sexes
to engage in socially acceptable
physical contact before they were even
allowed to speak to one another.
Only when a leisure class began
to emerge out of early economic development
did humans begin to view dance
as a source of pleasure apart
from its original purpose,
to bridge people together from different worlds...
to heal wounds when words would not suffice.
All right, you all ready?
Play back.
["All About You" by Jack Rayner plays over speakers]
All right. Stop! Stop the music! Stop!
Hey! Excuse me, who the hell are you?
City of Westminster.
Historical Architecture High Committee.
Well, I'm the owner of this theater. Is there a problem?
Oh, I would think so.
Anything else?
You'll be hearing from us.
[whispers] We're fucked.
[Zadie] "The owner must obtain written approval
to make material changes to property.
If changes be made without approval or special exemption,
the owner must restore
the theater to its original condition
and then file for approval with the city."
This is Roger trying to control me.
Even though we are separated
and in the middle of a divorce
because he fucked the assistant.
I'm sorry, baby,
but it's not like it's a secret.
What if we just do it anyway?
I mean, what are they really gonna do?
"Failure to comply will result
in a fine of 10,000 pounds per day...
and/or seizure of the property by the City."
Even if I pay the fine,
he'll find a way to exert pressure on these people
and force them to bend the rules.
That's just the way he operates.
-Isn't it, Victor? -Well, in my opinion--
We have to go all the way to the top
because our freedom is an illusion.
Yes, see when you start with no rights at all--
So who is this person we need to seduce
and get them on our side?
I.e., the definition of corruption.
Zadie, baby...
you should know that the law
is useless when you're dealing
with entrenched male power structures.
-Not all male. -What do you mean?
Edna Eaglebauer.
As the chairwoman,
she has the power to grant a special exemption.
Hey, Z, what else do we know about Edna?
[typing]
[Zadie] Um, not much about her on Google.
Housing records indicate
she's most likely single and lives alone.
[Mike] That's promising.
[Zadie] Um, she's got no presence on social media.
Asides her bio on the council website.
[Max] Check if she has a pet or a hobby.
[Zadie] Not that I can tell. She's a ghost.
[electronic instrumental music plays]
[no other sounds audible]
[Jackson] I'll tell you what...
this bird's got to have a heart of stone
to shut down Swan Lake.
Maybe, but everybody wants something.
We just got to keep looking.
What if she didn't even know what she wants?
Well, that never stopped men
from coming up with the wrong answer.
Come on, guys, give me something.
Victor, don't just sit there.
I'll murder her for the right price.
That might be the best idea.
But, look, this feels like
a woman's perspective sort of a thing.
Like what did you want before Miami?
I just wanted to escape my life.
But then...
someone came along and gave me this unexpected
magical moment that made me remember who I really was.
It was like a little treasure.
Okay, so we need to figure out who Edna was before
she became a bureaucrat and tap into that then.
That's it!
[orchestral music playing; no other sounds audible]
[tiny bell rings]
[deep breath]
[Max] I don't understand why you don't want "Suavemente."
[Mike] I don't think-- No. I love "Suavemente."
[Max] It's a great song.
-It's a different beat. -It is great. I agree.
We just don't need it right now.
Look, it-- Look, hear me out. It's Isabel...
Unicorn, "Champagne," "Sex Machine..."
-Oh, trust me... -"Permission," "Suits."
I know it by heart. And you know what's more
important than "Suavemente"?
We still don't have a grand finale.
Well, great. We'll make one. It's a group number.
Most important part of the whole show.
And then everybody will dance out into the crowd.
It'll be amazing.
-Oh, that's so random. -Why is that random?
Everybody dancing in the crowd.
We've done that already.
It's got to be something different,
something personal.
They're all good and personal,
and they're there for a reason. I don't--
Why are you doing this right now?
Why are you making it, like, we don't have a good show?
I know. You should be dancing in it.
You have lost your mind. What are you talking about?
I'm not dancing in the show.
Why are you saying no to everything I say?
-I'm not saying no. -Have you noticed that?
I've said yes on every single part of the show.
We need something climactic, different, something personal.
Great, then do something personal.
Give me something that I don't know about you.
Why is it about me? This is about women.
You're a woman. I'm not.
I'm not gonna be dancing in the show.
Why don't you make it personal?
Well, do whatever you want.
Do the thing that you and Antonio have been making.
It's great. That's personal, ain't it?
[Max] Hey, it's your show.
Give me something that's yours.
Open up.
-[Mike] I did. -When?
[Mike] The whole-- This whole time.
And if you haven't seen it,
I don't know what to tell you about it.
Well, I don't know what to tell you about it since
I tried to kiss you and you pulled away.
You don't know how to open up.
That's why you need the "Suavemente."
Oh! Still waiting for passing trade, you nosy fuck!
[groans in frustration] Your turn; he's impossible.
[Mike sighs]
[Victor clears throat]
Yes, Victor?
I did not say anything.
Yeah. Yeah. You're always saying something in your head.
Just say it out loud, man.
[Victor sighs]
You see, the problem with Max is
she tends to overcomplicate things.
[chuckles] Yeah.
Especially when she knows exactly what she wants.
And she knows exactly what she wants
when it comes to you.
Why do you work for her?
You could easily work for Roger.
She's got bigger balls.
[door opens]
Listen, motherfucker.
-I rest my case. -Yeah.
You better make up your mind
because you're driving me crazy.
Oh, just-- Yeah, you're driving me crazy.
What are you doing?
Just stop.
-Okay, just shut up. -No, you stop.
You shut up.
I just want a happy ending.
[speaking Spanish]
[whispers] You're an insane person. You know that, right?
[Max] Mm-hmm.
[speaking Spanish]
[singing in Spanish]
[both singing "Suavemente"]
["Suavemente" by Elvis Crespo plays over speakers]
[Zadie] Given the debate and confusion
around the word "love" generally...
what are we to make of the word "love"
in the context of dancing?
If you love dancing with someone,
does that mean on some level that you love them?
What other feelings are exchanged during a dance?
Can you dance with someone you don't trust?
Should you trust someone just because they can dance?
Max and Mike weren't thinking about this,
but they should have been.
[Edna] Stop the music!
Stop the music! Stop the music.
-Edna? -Edna?
I am so sorry, Ms. Mendoza.
I am so deeply sorry
to each and every one of you beautiful creatures.
Sorry for what?
Height restrictions for stage risers.
Apparently, your new stage
is three quarters of an inch too high.
Your exemption has been denied.
You're to shut down immediately.
But you had already approved it!
I got a call from an MP's office. It's law. [sighs]
There's nothing I can do.
Keep working. I'll take care of this. I'll be right back.
Okay.
How fucking dare you?
You're not shutting me down again. Not this time.
Max, I sincerely want to rebuild our trust.
-[scoffs] -In the meantime,
I'm just trying to look out for you.
How is shutting down my show looking out for me?
I'm not talking about the show.
Then what are you talking about?
I'm talking about your judgment.
I'm talking what I witnessed in the kitchen
in front of our daughter.
Roger, I wouldn't get into a dispute
about judgment with me right now.
You handed my family's theater over to a fucking stripper.
You don't know anything about Mike.
I know when you're being used. Don't you see that?
No.
Darling, I know we're all getting old,
but I didn't know you were so desperate.
Fuck you! We care for each other.
Max, have you even read our settlement agreement?
The language about denigrating or harming the family brand?
The moment that show goes up,
mother's barristers will be clawing back
every last shilling in court
and I won't be able to stop her.
But if you're still too deluded to help yourself,
please be mindful of Zadie.
She shouldn't have to pay the price for your fantasies.
Would you please stop it?
What?
I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking, "What was she thinking?"
You weren't thinking, were you?
You were falling in love.
Oh, shut the fuck up.
You think I don't know that?
And don't you dare judge me. You were not there.
That one fucking dance...
changed everything in me.
It feels like it made me the best version of myself...
but everybody's laughing at me.
I'm a joke. An embarrassment.
[sighs] Not to him though.
He believes in me.
I have to go tell him
that our show about empowering women is dead...
because I'm so fucking powerless.
The most frightening part is that...
I'm about to find out if that dance
meant as much to him as it did to me.
Or if I'm just another goddamn Tuesday.
No, you're more like a Thursday, madame.
Have I always been this adolescent?
No. Only when it's raining.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
One.
Mike.
Uh, Jack, keep taking them through.
What the fuck you mean "we're done"?
I'm sorry. I did my best, but I failed.
-Wait. What-- All right. -Victor will come back
and pick you up,
and he can arrange a flight for you tomorrow.
No, no, no. What happened? This isn't you.
What the fuck is going on with you, Max?
[exhales]
Nothing.
What? Un-fucking-believable.
You really are the Queen of the First Act, huh? Holy shit.
You don't know anything about me.
And you don't understand anything.
It's Friday.
They wouldn't pull the plug on us until Monday.
But you're walking away.
You have no show.
You couldn't even come up with an ending.
You cannot say that what we've created so far
isn't fucking special.
You cannot say that. I know you can't.
I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to let it go.
You'll still get paid.
Hey! Hey, look, I don't give a fuck about the money.
I don't fucking care.
Okay?
We're good at this and I'm not gonna
fucking just let us give up on it.
You're so good at this.
I bet you he never cared about what you were good at. Did he?
Don't let this be the end.
Uh. Uh.
[dancers indistinct chatter]
-Woody! -Lay it on me, gov.
I need a plumber and a ballerina.
The princess is on a hunger strike.
Won't even open the door.
What? She's not even drinking?
I'm afraid not.
Did you try using your "wise British butler" voice?
Trust me, I went full metal Downton Abbey on her ass.
And if that bloke doesn't pull his head from his own ass...
you'll be parented from behind a closed door
for months. Years, even.
But you didn't tell her you slipped Mike the keys?
[scoffs] Please.
If the lawyers found out her careless manservant...
failed to lock The Rattigan doors,
she'll need plausible deniability.
If there's anything I've learned,
it's that you can't tell people anything.
They have to have an experience.
[cell phone chimes]
Message from Mike.
"End is not ending.
"Sunday at 7:00 we roll. The Grand Finale."
Let me see that.
Crikey, it's a haiku.
Seventeen syllables in a five-seven-five pattern.
Purely coincidence, but still...
there's hope for him after all.
Sounds like Sunday's gonna be an experience.
Doesn't it just?
["It's Over if We Run Out of Love" by David Holmes plays]
[no other sounds audible]
-Yeah? -Yeah.
Follow me.
[knock on door]
[Victor clears his throat]
Put some clothes on, Maxandra.
Why would I do that?
We have to go.
Where?
You know where.
-He didn't. -He did.
No, he didn't.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No. No, it's gonna be a disaster.
[Victor] No, it's not.
Oh, it's going to be a disaster.
No, no, no. I can't. I can't. Uh, uh, no.
-Yes, you can. -No, I can't go.
Come on.
No, I won't go and you can't make me.
Mom.
We have to go.
[inhales sharply]
[Max sobs softly]
Here you go. There.
[cries] Victor.
[Zadie] The rumors about the show
were a form of entertainment for some.
But for the two people who created it,
the terror of the opening night
could only be managed by remembering
there would be no record of it.
Only the people who were there would ever experience
the story of Max and Mike as told through dance.
There's small ships, there's tall ships,
there're ships that sail the sea...
there's no ships like friendships,
so here's to you and me. One, two, three.
Let's go.
[chants] We are strippers!
Whoo!
[exhales] All right, man.
-Let's go. -Yes.
Break a leg, everyone. Alex, cue one and sound. Go.
-[shushing] -[man whistling a tune]
The light is different.
It's November. It's lower.
Harold's worried about lunch.
He said the menu is diabolical.
[slight chuckle] The menu is diabolical?
How can a menu be diabolical?
Only a person can be diabolical.
A menu isn't alive.
Well, either way, he's worried.
And you're worried about him?
I don't envy him finding out.
-Well, I'll tell him. -Isabel, no. It's impossible.
-He has to know. -He can never know.
Harold.
Hello, darling. Walter.
Drinks?
[Walter] Will you still be going to Calais?
[Harold] No. I've decided to spend the summer here.
You see, Isabel is pregnant.
[Walter] Oh. Congratulations.
[Harold] Yes. We are very pleased.
We are hoping to have a son, of course.
That way the legacy of Chuffingham will be secure.
And if not, we will keep trying.
One of the benefits of having a young wife.
[Walter] I'm sure Isabel will make a wonderful mother.
[Harold] No doubt. And of course my mother
will be here to help.
Unicorn! Unicorn! Unicorn!
[whimsical music plays over the speakers]
[unicorn galloping over the speakers]
[unicorn neighing over the speakers]
- [Mike] Hello, Lady Isabel. -[Max gasps]
[Hannah] Unicorn?
Why, yes, it's me, Unicorn. Did you call for me?
Yeah, but I didn't expect you to show up out of the blue.
I haven't spoken to my imaginary friend
since I was a child.
[Max slightly chuckles]
Am I okay?
[Mike] Hmm, well, that depends
on what your definition of okay is
but first things first,
why don't you tell us how you really feel.
[harp music plays over speakers]
[audience gasps]
Well...
I don't know.
These two guys shouldn't be my only two options
in the world, should they?
I mean, why do I even need to feel like I choose?
Like, it's between the shitty rich guy
and the poor guy with a heart of gold.
I mean, come on, all I really want right now
is to tell these boring
bags of dicks to leave me alone!
[chimes play over the speakers]
[audience cheers]
[Mike] That's right, Lady Isabel.
See, I'm here to tell you
that you can have anything you want.
All you have to do is ask.
[Hannah] What? Okay. Really?
-Really. -Okay.
Well, I am a modest lady, so... [sighs]
what if all I wanted was just a guy
in a tank top and some jeans?
[chimes play over the speakers]
[audience cheers]
[approval sounds]
[Max chuckles]
Okay, well, if I can have that then...
what about a bad boy--
hold up, hold up--
who always responds to my texts.
[chimes play over the speakers]
[audience cheers]
Ooh. All right.
And now, if I can have that then...
a sexy CEO who pays his women more than his men!
[chimes play over the speakers]
- [audience cheers] -Ooh, me-ow.
What about a guy with a puppy?
[chimes play over the speakers]
[audience awes]
[Hannah makes approval noises]
Okay, let me just swallow my saliva
that's literally dripping out of my mouth right now.
If I could have all of that, why stop there?
[chimes play over the speakers]
[audience cheers]
Wait a minute.
I can't be the only person in this room
to feel what I'm feeling right now. Am I?
[audience] No!
I didn't think so.
I can tell by the looks on your faces.
Now I want every single one of you to know
how I'm feeling right this very second.
I managed to have a little bit of everything.
And now, it's your turn.
So, by the power vested in me through this Magic Mike...
I command thee, Unicorn, send everything to us all
right now!
[audience cheers]
["Champagne Life" by Ne Yo plays over speakers]
["Sail" by AWOLNATION plays over speakers]
Uh...
["Be Faithful" by Fatman Scoop ft. Crooklyn Clan plays]
Hey!
♪ Single ladies! I can't hear ya! ♪
♪ Single ladies! Make noise!
♪ What's your zodiac sign?
How do you feel about your new reality, everybody?
Make some bloody noise. [chuckles]
Give it up. Give it up for these gorgeous lads
who busted into a sweat just for all of you.
Come on, make a little noise.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I like to hear. That's what I love to hear.
A little bit of noise on this stage
doesn't go amiss, sweethearts.
And let me tell you one thing, a body at rest...
is a body at rest. Right?
Eh, you know, not bad. But a body in motion...
[Hannah makes approval noises]
[audience cheers]
There is absolutely nothing sexier...
than a body in motion. Am I right?
[audience cheers]
So for our next act, I want you to give it up...
ladies and gentlemen
for the trickster prince him bloody self.
Give it up, everybody, for Mr. JD Rainey.
[audience cheers]
["Get Up, Sex Machine [Remix]" by James Brown plays]
[speaking Spanish]
[audience cheers]
[whistles]
["Juice" by Pell and Young Franco plays]
[no other sounds audible]
["Boys Better" by The Dandy Warhols plays]
[no other sounds audible]
[audience cheers]
-I think we should leave now. -Where are we going?
Mike said to leave at the end of "Suits"
and return at the end of "Pony."
Oh, yes, yes. So you go.
And no peeking. He'll be watching you.
[Hannah] Now folks, this next dance
is one that I'm well-acquainted with.
Things are about to get intimate.
[audience cheers]
Now, a real man isn't afraid to act on his desire...
but the sexiest act of submission...
is asking for permission.
["Permission" by Ro James plays over speakers]
[audience cheers]
-Break a leg, gov. -[Mike kisses]
Aw, bless ya.
I know. I know.
We all want a little bit of everything
all of the time. Don't we?
But...
sometimes you just want to be
everything to someone. Right?
Sometimes, the greatest fantasy of them all...
is knowing that you're the only one.
[sound of thunderstorm over speakers]
[audience cheers]
[haunting instrumental music plays over speakers]
[slight gasp]
[audience shouts approval sounds]
["Open Up" by Gallant plays over speakers]
[audience cheers]
You said to go hard, and so I did what you said.
I mean, you know.
Oh, God.
We showed up.
["Pony" by Ginuwine plays over speakers]
That's "Pony."
Mike said after "Pony."
No, he just said "Pony."
He definitely said after "Pony"
and they're still on their ponies. Now sit.
[Victor sighs]
[audience cheers]
Yes!
Come on, they're applauding. It must be over now.
[slight chuckle] Very well.
["Love in This Club" feat. Young Jeezy plays on speakers]
[Mike laughs]
So amazing. [chuckles]
[Mike laughs]
Wait a minute. Just a second.
Thank you very much, Mr. Mike.
Very nice, my friend.
-You look beautiful. -Congratulations.
-Huh? -Congratulations. You did it.
What are you talking about? We did it.
You did it. It was amazing.
Look around. All this is because of you.
You are sublime.
Look, I just want you to know I love you. Okay?
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
If you're not gonna leave him,
I don't want this to be more confusing.
It's done. I'm never, ever, ever going back to him.
I am free and I am broke.
What do you mean? You're-- What do you mean you're broke?
-Yeah. -Like broke, broke?
I'm s-- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
It's okay. I don't care.
No, I'm-- I'm just-- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[footsteps approaching]
[Mike chuckles]
I hate you.
Come on, let's go. [laughs]
[Zadie] No one can claim
to fully understand what exactly dance is...
but what is abundantly clear
is that dance seeks no meaning for its desires.
It does not value age or status, logic or reason.
It is a compass orientated only to liberty,
not unlike the human heart.
I stumbled upon these wisdoms
when I met a lonely stripper named Mike.
["Don't Be Afraid" by Diplo and Damian Lazarus playing]
["All About You" by Stevie Brock playing]
["It's Over if We Run Out of Love" by David Holmes plays]